The Edge of Competency

 Many times, I am given a task to do something, I hesitate. I hesitate to start and I hesitate to finish. Some people call it procrastination. Some people call it lazy. I call myself both. Add it bits of perfectionism, and it's very close friend - feeling not-good-enough.

A Chronic Case of Feeling Not-Good-Enough

Looking back, I find myself being very attached to this feeling not-good-enough. It is as though I'm really that bad at doing anything, that I didn't want to do it at all. Or if I started, I am too ashamed to submit it or post it up anywhere.

I tried a few methods to work myself out of it. This blog being one of it.

Finding reasons to be not good

So I had this habit of constantly finding people and things that are leagues above me, and comparing myself with them. I know that the feeling is partly rational. Looking around me, I certainly know who I am better compared with, but my mind and emotions are fairly focused on the people who are better than me.

I initially started off with people who are just a bit better than me, but I gradually worked up to those of world class standards.


While technically, it is good to aim high and to develop some constructive criticism of ourselves, you know what people say about aiming too high.

Not only that, I also find myself constantly searching for something new to do, some new skill set to develop, and something that I am not good at.

Not that it's bad to challenge yourself with learning a new skill or pushing your standards, but I came to find that it's really not helpful to do everything at the edge of my competency. In fact, this edge has become some sort of a comfort zone, which acts as an excuse for me to not do anything substantial, to push further up on expertise in one skill set, but rather meddle with many.

*Ironically, my writing of this former paragraph still lies within the same pattern of judging myself towards incompetency.

Focusing on strengths

Positive psychologists found that managers who focused on their employee's strengths are able to significantly increase employee productivity. People who have a good understanding of themselves and constantly work on developing their talents were able to achieve more success compared to those who are more focused on improving their weaknesses.

Not only is working on something that you are already talented at improves productivity, it also opens up the avenue for you to push it to a higher level of competency (metaphor: climbing the hill of competency), as opposed to staying mediocre, and needless to say, it is also much more helpful for your self-esteem, passion and desire to do more!

*Which leads me to some new questions:
- Which "hill of competency" should I climb?
- Should I be an expert "meddler"?

I am a hill

So, to ask  "Which hill of competency should I climb" already made an assumption that "I am incompetent."

A more positive approach would be:

     I am a hill, I become more of myself.

But to "become more of myself" implies that I am not "myself enough".

     I become myself

To have to "become" myself implies that I am not myself. 

    I am myself.
     I am who I am.
....It's who I really am...