Body Imagery

Are you able to close your eyes and "see" your body? What do you see?

Do you see colours? Do you see mass and hollow? Or do you sense it in another way? Ie: Sounds and feelings?

Seeing the body is the process of bodily awareness - to be aware of which part of your body or rather muscles is active, which part is passive.

Activity is when a muscle participates in a supporting function in your posture or movement, either mildly or in extreme. It may be extended, or contracted.

Generally, the bodily muscles work together to move, even in a small movement, like lifting a glass of water, as one change in a muscle, creates responses in various adjoining muscles, and all our muscles are intertwined, connected, working as a whole system. Technically, any effort to stop certain parts of the muscles from responding develops into unnatural movements, which inevitably develop tension in another part which is overworked.

When one portion of muscle is overworked, there will certainly be parts of the body muscles which are underworked - passive.

These passive muscles are unhealthy, as habits causing its lack of use will certainly lead to decline of its strength, leading to atrophy, and of course postural changes.

This imbalance may start in one way or the other - either a person had developed the habit of tensing up certain muscles, or the habit of letting certain parts of the body drop when doing an activity.

Movements require full enthusiasm and commitment

It's like, "why do we need to be happy?" As in, we choose to be happy in whatever we do. Because we have to live whether we are happy or not, and we may have to do things we wish we didn't have to, so why not do it well, and do it happily in a relaxed and positive manner?

Movements are the same. We can move like we are forced to, like we don't really care about it, or we can move like we really mean to, using the whole body, the whole set of muscles involved.

Compare doing something alone to involving everyone around you. 

Everything, including your back, your head, and your bottom, even your legs and your feet moves along, but in a somewhat relaxed, yet directed manner.

So, what do you do, if the body is not wholly involved?

It could mean having to let go of tense muscles. It could mean picking up slacking muscles.

But another way, is also to sense the whole body. To see it moving as a whole. To see it all lit up inside, or to feel that the energy is through. 

This imagery is not just limited to the anatomical body. As you learn to be conscious of the insides of the body, also be aware of what's outside. As we move, our energy fills the space around us. To be able to fully fill up this space, your body would have already been balanced.

Exercises to do this

There can be guided or standard exercises to achieve full balance of the body. Practices of Qigong and Taichi was developed in the way that helps a practitioner develop this flow in the body and outside.


However, a generally good mover have good balance and awareness of the body and its surrounding space as a whole.


In an active warm up, where you move in your stretching instead of doing static stretching, your aim to find these areas of imbalance, stuck energy and other tension in the body, and let them through.

Which is why, active stretching with body awareness is more ideal compared to standard warm ups as our bodies are different from one another and from one day to another. To do so, it involves the coordination between mind and body.

To respond to these differences are only wise, if one is to perform well.

Show Someone You Love Them Today Through Affection

Just a random thought:

1. Hold their hand
2. Touch their cheek
3. Stroke their hair
4. Hold them around their shoulder
5. Give them a big hug
6. Cuddle with them
7. Pat them on the back
8. Give a warm smile
9. Look into their eyes
10. Wipe their tears away, just below the eyelids
11. Put their head on your shoulder
12. Hold both their hands
13. Sit with them
14. Kiss them on the cheek
15. Kiss them on the forehead
16. Kiss them on the nose
17. Kiss them on the lips
18. Kiss them on the back of their palm
19. Caress their hand and palm
20. Lie side by side
21. Lie head to head
22. Sit back to back
23. Put their head on your chest
24. Let them rest on your lap

How many more can you think of ?

About Me: The Long Story - My Love Affair With Movement

If you had read my about page, you would probably know a thing or 2 about me and my practice. But here, I will share the in-depth story of how I came to where I am at today.

I love movement

I have been studying movement all my life.

From dance, martial arts to sports, I have observed movement from a range of aspects and attempted to recreate them, to understand how movers move - how the best dancers dance, how actors act, how atheles jump, how action is created and how movement flow.

As I study these people more, I began to understand that there is a state of being in which these people had created, a stage persona in their performances. It is beyond what is taught in most lessons, what you see in the apparent.


In my career as a dance teacher, I had taught this method to my students in rehearsing for their dances. The difference is between a mediocre or technical performance, and an emotionally impactful performance.

What kind of dancer am I?

When most people ask me, "When did I first started dancing?" I didn't know how to answer them. Like most people, I started dancing when I was little, I mean baby. Unlike most people, I continued dancing and believing in dance, through adulthood.

I revel in art - I sing, play music, draw, paint, occasionally build or sculpt things, and I aspire to act.

I started off mostly as a self-taught dancer, emulating my idols from music videos and concert recordings, and just moving to the beat to music. I start off with dancing Canto-pop like idols Leslie Cheung, Aaron Kwok, Jimmy Lin and Dicky Chueng, during the late 1980's to the early 1990's, a time that could be described as the peak of the genre. It was a time of elaborate costumes, grand concert stadiums, world class  performances, and of course, superb dance performance and choreographies. The passion in the music and the moving beats sparked my interest in singing and dancing. Of course, the genre also occasionally offered its share of ballads and culturally influenced tunes, along with accompanying performances, sparking my interests in more traditional and lyrical dances.

In the late 1990's, I started paying more attention towards western pop culture. Dancing girl and boy bands - i.e. Spice Girls, Backstreet Boys, N'Sync - became a scarce oasis of reference towards stylistic physical expression. And then Britney Spears, and there were no others like her.

At that time, we have no MTV and there was no Youtube. Even my VCR at home was spoilt and not replaced. What you see on TV is what you get. As much as I wanted to dance along, I couldn't reference well enough, so I had to pick up the dances as I go. Even if there were good references, they were not like today's K-pop where they have complete dance videos. I had make up my own steps in betweens.


But of course, I was too ashamed to let anyone know I love to dance. People make comments. You are a bad kid if you shake your body. You can't really dance if you don't go for classes, but there were no classes to go for. Children are expected to sit still.

So, I practiced in private, when my parents were not around, when no one was watching.

I wanted to do everything. I loved moving, I indulged in martial arts and gymnastics. And as you can imagine, I simply couldn't sit still.

Training hard

It started with a discovery of my enthusiasm towards chinese period dramas with kungfu/wire-fu. It served to tie me towards deeply exploring my cultural roots, which led to my interest in spirituality. The visuals that I see in these stories triggered a sense of stories untold so full in my heart, that I had to express it out in some form of mono-acting, and I started practicing martial arts for the parts I play. I was mesmerised by the visuals of female-wirefu, which resembles a dance more than fighting, hoping to someday float, glide and display such grace and power at the same time. This eventually covered more female heroine characters, that are technically tomboys of period dramas. I started dreaming of becoming an actress, and at that time, Michelle Yeoh emerged as an icon of my dreams.


Immediately, I wanted to sign up for wushu classes to get started on my basics. Unfortunately, things didn't quite happen for me. I ended up settling for taekwando classes which were offered in my school. I didn't like sparring, but instead I trained hard to make sure my kicks and my taegeuks look good and perfect, all the way up to my black belt in year 2000.

Later, when I entered university, I finally got the chance to approach wushu and taichi. It was a wonder that the techniques are so different, so much more complex even on the lower level, but it also means much more variety in movements. I get to practice movement patterns that I had always wanted to do, it was something that I wished I had started earlier on, for the basics in taekwando didn't prepare me for this. I managed to do a few performances with the team, one which included using sticks. Unfortunately, I did not stay long enough to learn weapons which I had wanted so much years ago. My body was getting tired of the brutal hardness of learning martial arts. It is not what I want to do. However, the years of training had further developed the tough body that already was.

Bending soft

During my early childhood, I was exposed to an international aerobics. I was mesmerised with the participant's flexibility and ability to perform acrobatics like cartwheels and walkovers.

Then during the 1992 Olympic games, I fell in love with rhythmic gymnastics. But it was not until the next Olympic in 1996 that I get to watch it again on TV. I loved the grace, flexibility and dexterity of gymnasts. I also learned to pick up on the flow of their movements, which sparked my interests in gentler forms of dance.

Unfortunately, there were no known gymnastic classes at that time, or would it have been a worthy investment as by then, it would've been too late for me to start (it is important to take advantage of early childhood to develop the extreme flexibility required). But I never gave up on the dream of performing, so I resorted to self-training at home.


I became obsessed with stretching. My amateurish attempts at self-training were somewhat successful - I managed to achieve over-splits, a good level of back bend, and walkovers - but it had also left me riddled with injuries. I developed a lower back pain, and hip joint pain. I also learned that lack of proper warm up could result in torn hamstrings.

The body in conflict

Other than the activities I mentioned above, I was also a competitor in the school's high jump events. I started in my upper primary school, but did not do it again until my upper secondary years. Again, I worked very hard to train myself to jump higher, but in spite of the lower-body strength I developed, my achievements were limited and inconsistent. I was frustrated and didn't know what to do. My knees were aching. I didn't know what I did wrong.


Over the years, I kept pushing through in spite of my injuries so that I can do the things I loved. I kept fighting with my body to make it do better splits, but it seemed to have come to a plateau, while my hip joint became riddled with pain. My body no longer wants to put out the brute strength I was forcing it to. I was abusing my body, pressing on my spine, trying to tear my joints apart, punishing it when it doesn't give me what I want. My performance dropped. My body felt so heavy. All these training must have failed, I thought. I must be getting old. I was 20.

By year 2003, more injuries, coupled by other lifestyle factors had left me with little motivation. I stopped practicing wushu.

Going easy

Aside from the occasional music video dancing, a stretch or two here and there, I was no longer doing any serious physical training in the years that ensues. I swim, go to the gym, played badminton and took up archery to keep myself happy in between struggling through university coursework. Any serious endeavour towards physical achievement seemed out of reach by now. I will settle with being a multimedia designer.

Starting Over

So when I began working for a few months, and life seemed miserable and meaningless.

I asked myself, what would I have to do, that if I don't, I would die? Dance.
If I don't start dancing, I would die.

So I started searching through the net for dance courses that rings a bell to me, and in a convenient location. I wasn't driving at the time, and relied heavily on the LRT system. I took some trial classes in a few separate location, and I still haven't found what I want, until I happened upon Rivergrass Dance Academy and attended classes by it's founder/director, Ms. Mew Chang Tsing.

A new philosophy

The first thing that is very different from anything I have learned before is the attitude towards the body and towards movement.

The first was, to love our body, to treat it with kindness and respect. To not force the body to do something when it is already hurting, because when guided, gently, it will still be able to do what we want it to, without the unnecessary pain.

Second, is to listen to the body. The body has intelligence and it has movement, movement that is different from what is in the mind. If we can let go of the controlling mind, to be quiet and observe, the body will speak its language and give us it's answer.

Learning these two principles are a continuous process, but by first understanding its concepts and applicability, it is the first steps in the right direction.

Creating dance

As the process of our learning is mostly improvisational, very soon, I am creating dance. Its was like a burst pipe, where all my desires and longings for dance expressions finally found an outlet. Very soon, I was performing on-stage with the group, with my favourite, Lady In Red - a piece which carries a passionate, tango-flamenco tone with the music Assasins Tango.

It then followed by more and more pieces, and greater involvement within the contemporary dance community as a whole, a course on dance composition which led to my first solo piece, The Tree of Life, and the rest was history.

Aside from the influences mentioned above, I also came from a national school system with a heavy Malay cultural influence. at a very young age, I was exposed to Malay classical and folk dances, but I was most taken by Gamelan, Ulek Mayang, Asyik and Inang, because of how ethereal the dancers look on stage, with elaborate costumes, and hypnotic music.

I didn't know how I pick up on the love of spanish-influences dance, but the passion and sensuality speaks to me.

Teaching dance


This burst pipe of creativity eventually flooded into my dance teaching in the international school, where I choreographed pieces for the school production which I directed, working with other dance and music teachers, and the high school students who were given the freedom to create their own - it basically unleashed my creative monster - a playground where pop, contemporary, and cultural performance items co-existed and weave itself into a story of growing up, learning and living in harmony.

The result was, the students get to learn something totally new, the school get to see something new, and expose itself to various forms of dance, and with my performing experience, I helped the students polish their performance quality to a whole new level.

Teaching dance became something that I had-to-do!

What was most satisfying, was not about the choreography process or the performances themselves. But the growth and connection that came during and as a result of the production was where it was most beautiful.

During classes and rehearsals, I have worked with students of various levels, most do not have dance training outside what the school was able to provide. They spent many years not having a teacher who was actually trained in dance, as had been creating dance for performances on their own. I worked to create dances that is suitable for different age groups, different talents and capabilities, and together, I brought them to a level of performance that is entertaining and emotionally satisfying for both participants and audience.

Beauty in a dance performance had to first come from performance quality and polish.
These had to be a result of meticulous training and even nit-picking. Movements were cleaned up.

Then, there is a very basic but impotant element of appearing larger on stage that performers need to be aware of. Movements have to be larger, more lengthened. Students need to expand themselves into a space slightly beyond themselves. This often challenge people in their comfort zones.

Also, there is the element of eye-contact. Eyes needs to be looking in the right places. It was very difficult for students to look up when dancing initially. Most adolescents and teenagers have self-esteem issues. Dancing on-stage and looking up at the audience was most terrifying and unthinkable of. Eyes wander as a result of a wandering mind too. So much training was centered on them being focused and present in the performance itself.

Last but not least, the importance of emotional interaction. Students need to know what their dance is saying, or what they actually wanted to say to the audience in their dance. They learned to accept it, to be honest about it, about themselves and what they wanted to express, or what I needed them to express in their dance.

I talked to these dozens and hundreds of performing students, some on a deeper level. I got to know them on a personal level to understand their unique challenges, and coached them to overcome their own obstacles, bodily, mentally and emotionally.

What's next?

I believed that the training had challenged them to a greater level, but I believed that more people, young and old can benefit from learning dance and training for performance, and overcoming personal obstacles, moving out of their comfort zones. It is my wish to reach out to more people on the same, deep, soulful level, without the constraints of academic curricula which I had to juggle with in school. I wish to create for, and to spread the knowledge of using the body, and healing its injuries.

The healing process

Over the years, I began studying more about the body as I continue studying alot of personal-developement materials. I wanted to heal, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally.

When I stumbled upon the works of Tony Robbins and understood how much body language affects a person. I saw a video and was very surprised he spoke to one of his workshop participants, and immediately see shifts in their body when their mindset changes. I began observing body language more deeply, and employed questioning techniques to heal my body and let my body work in a more harmonious way.
Many of these techniques were helpful when I was working with my students. I was very enthusiastic about the results that I got and I am determined to practice further and broaden my reach.

Who am I?

I see myself as a life-long learner and teacher. I love to coach people, to help bring out the best in them, in what they do, whatever it is they want to do, to connect with who they are, and find that creative side of them.

As a teacher, I believe that no one is too bad to learn, and no one is too good not to learn.

It is a matter of desire - do we wish to do it or not?

The jewel is inside everyone of us. You just have to draw it out of each person.

It gets personal


I employ techniques from life coaching and strategic intervention, understanding body language  from dance and improvisation, energy chakras and self-healing in my teaching. I do not believe in a sterile teaching environment. A teacher teaches best when she knows her students well, and directly meet her needs and deliver at her level.


For me, I keep learning from personal experiences, my meditations and my readings. I believe everyone should.


I hope to someday connect with you on our journey, where we can share and exchange in mind and creativity.

Love,

Why I Hated School and My Search for Happiness

This is to all my dear students who are still struggling through school, through teenagehood and those who are still struggling to find themselves. 

I've always remembered that as a child, I wasn't one who is very much a fun one to be with, nor have I found much capacity to have fun with other little kids.

Growing up into adolescence, I became one of those strange kids that people never liked. I talked about things that they don't care about, I behave in ways that they disapprove of, I was hyperactive, hyper emotional, super dreamy, and always in love with somebody I shouldn't.

There were years when I was socially ostracised, became the joke of the class or just simply became invisible. I was the ugly girl who was a little overweight, having too dark a skin, and not cute enough to deserve to be in the spotlight.

I didn't dare to be myself, and when I wanted to, I hardly got the opportunity. At first, I didn't dare to be too good academically as a few jealous kids will say mean things about it, think that I would be too proud, too full of myself. I had subconsciously lowered my scores eventually, just to fit in. Making a few mistakes in exam was more normal. Being too perfect was not.

Singing, dancing and acting was something I really liked, but never made it to the school choir, dance team or have more than a few lines to say in the class drama.I loved drawing and painting all my life, but somehow most of my art teachers in school never quite approved of my artistic tastes - except for one Puan Asnah.


I struggled to find physical and artistic expression - inside me was a monkey who wanted to burst out and jump across the streets, over the rooftops, summersault down the hallway, slide down the stair handles and take over the stage and be the perfect superstar!
But years of training have had it perfectly restrained.

I managed to find some relief in doing some high-jumping (which I wish I proper coaching for), taekwando (as a substitute for my kung-fu movie star/Michelle Yeoh dream) and very lousy basketball playing.

In the mean time, I also streched at home, danced to music videos, watched rhythmic gymnastics and trained myself in such, effectively turning my bed into a crashmat, with bad technique causing an injury or two. When all else fails, I punch pillows and walls and scream like a mad monster.

I was a super sensitive, super emo and constantly in need of love and craving for some warm displays of affection. but coming from a traditional Chinese family, affection is something that was not within the vocabulary. Spanking is what you get.

As it turns out, banging doors, crying, screaming out and withdrawal wouldn't get you the love you want. Comfort and affection might just very well be something you learn through your good friend.

I wanted to find peace. I tried meditation, but it took me to wierd places - at one time, I find myself stopped breathing, so I stopped. I loved nature, and had the chance to follow only 2 school expeditions to the wilderness over the years. I wished I could hide and stay there forever.

Life was super hard, I didn't see much meaning in life. I didn't know how to be happy. It was all dark and gloomy. I seek comfort in bonding with the school counsellor, Puan Siti Halimah. It was unfair because surely, she had many more students she would need to support, but I I studied religion - mostly Buddhism. I was always on the lookout for the love of my life, hoping that he would magically change my life and give me happiness, but its all just fantasy. I was completely incompatible with the school system and with my family culture.

The counsellor believed that I was having depression, but I didn't know what it was. A visit to  clinical psychologist was recommended, but back then, the stigma was still too strongly attached to psychologists, so I didn't.

My last 2 years in school slowed down as subjects became tougher, I became more lost, more drowned in the sea of syllabus. I didn't know what I was doing, I became even more of a zombie, but feigned humour and laughter to pass off as being sociable, if not to cheer myself up. I was secretly in love with a young taekwando instructor (my age) for years, until I was eventually exposed and coldly rejected. I procrastinated in all my homeworks and studying, except when I occasionally the strong motivation, flow or a sudden deep interest in certain topics. Some natural talent helps too. With factual topics like history, I was able to absorb I was hoping that college life would be outlet, but until then, I'll just have to pull through.

And pull through I did, as if with a noose around my neck, just slipping through the gates as it closes in.

Glad I am to be out of it. I hated school with a vengeance.

Life after school

Life after school has its ups and downs too, although I must say that it is a fairly pleasant one, or even way better compared to those school days.

During my university years, I get to move out of the house to live first in the campus hostel, then nearby the campus. My day to day living became independent of my family culture, and in fact, the family dynamics had positively changed, due to my absence. I felt missed and move loved because I am no longer always there, though I do go back on most weekends. I get to study in a course I had chosen for myself, which is creative multimedia and only need to bother about subjects that are relevant. As a design course, I bother mostly with practical design works which are much more interesting and easy for me to perform than reading endless loads of arbitrary information. Most textbooks or notes that we have to study can be directly applicable in practical work, or is somewhat relevant to my field of interest. Life, needless to say, became much more pleasant.

Socially, I also get to start over with groups of new people, who are more similar than me, rather than different. Some more "extremely strange" that I thought I was, but there is a positive sense of appreciation in these eccentric self-expressions. I also managed to get into a relationship which lasted throughout my university years, and beyond.

Of course, not all are a bed of roses. As the course got tougher in the second year, bad habits, unproductive behaviour and dysfunctional personality traits starts to surface.

For the first time, we were presented with unlimited broadband internet, now wired 24/7 - with a myraid of video files shared, games, internet mini games, MMORPG, endless instant messaging, Friendster, Google, Wikipedia. Too many distractions that proved to be more fun and exciting that coursework, unfortunately - and I'm only human. Staying up till dawn and chit-chatting with roommates are some of the most enjoyable things to do during those times.

As expected, I started to not perform as well as I could have. As I struggle to pick myself up again, fighting the distractions, procrastinations, I started to turn my work in late. I didn't feel good about it at all. I had my depressive mood swings again, anxiety attacks and inferiority complex. I struggled with myself, I badly wanted to learn how to deal with myself, because I knew I could do better than this, but I didn't know how to. I was falling behind, further and further. I wasn't happy in my relationship, yet I don't know what to do, or... I just simply didn't have the balls to do what I should do.

In search of happiness

In spite of the lack of external stressor such as family and undesirable study subjects, I still wasn't a very happy person. There was always something wrong somewhere. I always didn't want to do my coursework, even when the rush and excitement of internet and video games reduced. And all these addictive activities didn't exactly make me very happy either. They were just addictive and somewhat pleasant.

I kept myself productive with abit of choir, wushu (continuing my dream of succeeding Michelle Yeoh) and taichi (I wanted to be a kungfu master for real), some organising and comittee work, and a little dancing here and there.

I was constantly stressed and somewhat not quite happy, sometimes without good reason. I wasn't happy in my relationship, but I couldn't understand why. I wanted to understand more about my self, and how to make the best of it. I wanted to be productive, but most of all, I wanted to be happy.

It was then that I began my long search for happiness.

In search of the meaning of life

One issue that had plagued me for a very long time was finding the meaning of life. I wanted to find a reason to live. But most of all, I wanted to know how people live happily, because I felt that if I wasn't happy, then life is not worth living. And I was unhappy so much of the time, I wanted to change that.

I have learned about Buddha's search for happiness when I was in school, and I researched more during these times. I had a picture of the concept, and had contemplated the monastic path, but I didn't think it was applicable at this point. I kept looking.

I search internet for psychology and self-help articles. They helped me understand depression and some other such conditions. I find it comforting to know that there is an explanation for how I feel.


I began consulting the University counsellor too, who encouraged me to push on.

My then boyfriend also borrowed me books on self help.
Life Strategies for Teens was a good workbook style book which introduced to me the concept of "pay-off", understanding that there is a reason why we do what we do, even if we know it was a negative behaviour. It is one that I would recommend to young people who are struggling to understand their own negative behaviour.

The 7 Habits on the other hand, is a timeless guidebook on personal development, on the self, and our role within our surroundings. It was a book that I knew I had to buy and keep my own copy and reread it after I finished reading the borrowed one.
Years after reading it, I somehow would still mentally refer to some of it's concepts when encountering challenging life-situations. True principles never fail the tests of time. In fact, time strengthens principles, and this book is all about it.

I came into the concept of happiness coming from pleasure, engagement and meaning, in which true happiness has to come from engagement and meaning.

Then, I came acorss Viktor Frankl and his search for meaning. He came to the conclusion that the lack of meaning is the cause of unhappiness and inner conflict in people, that people need to find meaning in their lives, no matter what their circumstances.

I hadn't had a very clear sense of meaning yet by then, but I suppose that one pain suffered is a lessons for another.

Finding the flow

I initially enrolled myself in a majoring subject which I knew would be difficult for me, Flash scripting and all. I thought that it has more job options for me in the future and that the (in)famously strict lecturer would motivate me to do well. Unfortunately, it ended up back-firing. I was already dropping out, half-way through. The kind of work also proved to be not my cup of tea.

I lost confidence in myself, took a break from studies and worked part time before I can start a new academic year in a new majoring course. This helped reset things for me again.

I finally decided to take up virtual reality when I returned. 3d seems fun, the interaction didn't seem as complicated as the Flash stuff, my confidence was low, so I thought I'll just take it slow, in a new environment, new coursemates. New beginnings are always good, always hopeful, always fresh. I tried harder this time, did better, and started to find a little flow in my work.

During our final year, we were set to go for our intership training, before we return to complete our final year projects. During the internship training, my boss at the architecture firm, Mr. Ahmad where I was learning to do architecture visualisations guided me through patiently. He supported me and guided patiently in the process, that I begin go have confidence in my ability to work and produce efficiently again in my final year and in my future workplace. This gave me momentum to do well in my final projects for my university degree. I pushed harder, learned from my course mates, I was enjoying the flow of seeing my work improve, I liked the idea of my project, and I liked the process of creating it. It was fun, it was engaging, and I was close to success.

I was very focused on it, and by then, was not participating in any more co-curricular activities other than the one last thing I wanted to do before I graduate - archery.

But it wasn't easy. Just like in archery, my aiming skills are pretty rubbish. My perfectionism proves to be a dangerous ally and enemy. It was with alot of help, alot of push and encouragement from people around me that I had finally made it through my degree. It wasn't bad though, my portfolio earned me an employment in a multinational game company. I expected the employment to be a start of an exciting journey.

What is life about?

But after a few months, something in me started dying inside.

I started to question myself, what is it? What would I need to do, to not die?

Dance. It says.

Yes, I had not been dancing for quite a while. In fact, I was hardly moving ever since I started working here.

I started searching for a place to learn dance for real, and I found my teacher, Mew Chang Tsing. 

I didn't really know much about her back then, or what to expect in her class. I just went to her website, I liked the pictures I see there, I felt good about doing contemporary dance, I called up to ask about the nearest upcoming class, attended it as a trial class, and jumped straight in. I knew it was exactly what I need, what my soul needed. No questions about that.


So, I was enjoying what I do. I had a job that I sort of enjoy doing, and I have a hobby which I really love, but somehow, something still doesn't feel quite right. Weekends, week night, I still don't feel quite happy about where I am at. I didn't like my environment, although I work around the very nicely built KL Sentral area. It was too polluted, too much concrete.

I went for a trip to the Taman Negara, fell in love with the jungles all over again, and had bouts of depression by the time I return.

My company produced nice racing games, won an award or two, but unfortunately, I wasn't as enthused or excited or happy as I was supposed to be. It didn't matter to me. It was meaningless to me. I think of the time when I was addicted to video games, and I felt guilty for making one.

Man's search for meaning

It was then that I reminded myself that I could be doing much more than what I am doing - something closer to what I would wish for the world to be - a utopia of nature preserved and of caring people.

By then, I was working with a coach to help me find an outlet to this dilemma. As fun as 3D was, it didn't quite provide that meaning necessary in finding lasting happiness.

I wanted to change the world. I wanted to change its people. And the way for me to do?

I wanted to work in an NGO, but I was too emotionally vulnerable at that time. You got to be strong if you are doing advocacy.

I wanted to be a forest ranger, but then, I would still miss some of the luxuries of city life - nice dresses to wear, looking pretty and all.

Well, maybe I can be a teacher!


The love of teaching


The people who knew me and the people who had taught before would know how difficult yet fulfilling the profession is. It was challenging to the core, and somehow, I get to be a dance teacher, which also provided me with some of my most engaging experiences.

Seeing people grow and improve before your eyes, under your coaching was one of the most beautiful things one can do. It was a time when I got to expand my creative flair and had greatly strengthened my core values - self-honesty and capacity for love.

And sometimes, it was the most difficult students who touches your heart most deeply.

And then, I get to tell young people stories about life, about the "real world" outside, about saving the world, about finding themselves, loving themselves. Work was wonderful.

Love and truth

Most of all, I learnt about love. To love all, to love people as people, to connect with people, soul to soul, to tell people the truth, to be honest with ourselves and with the people we talk to. I found that it is only at this level of honesty that the heart can be touched, that lives can be changed. There is no other way.

Eventually, this path of love and truth has brought me to the next step. As much as the work was fulfilling, the school environment was still very limiting towards love and truth. I believed that I can do better beyond the boundaries of the school gates. I believe that there is more to dance, than just learning to dance.

Happiness is being able to express one's self to the fullest

My search for meaning began with the search for happiness. And my search for happiness became synonymous with the search for meaning.

In life, we are not here just to make ourselves happy, or please ourselves. By just pleasing ourselves, indulging in superficial activities of fun and enjoyment, we can be happy in the moment, but feel bored and empty soon after.

True fulfillment comes with overcoming challenges. True fulfillment requires passion - doing what we truly love. Doing the things we truly love may be a challenging task, whether it is to hike up a mountain, learn to dance, teaching children, create something new, writing a song, or anything. But there are things in this world that are worth doing, even if it is difficult and challenging, because it gives meaning to us.

Some people said, we are here to serve others. But what I found to be most true is that we are here to express our fullest self, and when we do so, we touch others as well, for within us, is an unlimited potential, which wants to be expressed, just like a seed holds the potential to become a full grown tree.

One does not feel fulfilled unless he/she is able to do to things he/she wants, and express love to loved ones the way he/she wants.

As my journey continues on, I seek to continually express my truest self, to share my soul with others, and to engage the souls of others. We are not perfect, we are growing together, each at our very own pace. If we stop growing, we are dying.



I believe that I can reach out through my dance and my teaching, and I am always grateful for those whose souls I have engaged in the past. I know that this is what I must do, because I love you. Because I love myself, because I want to make myself happy, I love you.


Do you know who you are?

Do you know who you are?
Do you love yourself inside?
Would you give love to the one inside?
You should, because you deserve to. When was the last time you gave yourself love?
You, my dear, could do nothing wrong, for you are only love. To deny love, is to deny you.
Love you, be you, and peace be you. You deserve to be you and nothing else, like no one else, so stop trying, and just start being.

Express yourself the way you need to express you.
Pick up the right skill if it helps you.
Speak your mind, make your statement if you have to.
Never stop believe in the voice inside you.

Dig deeper and you will find your core, of who is truly you. Love, accept, be.

Love,

You Want Change

You certainly want change.

If you're not living a GREAT life, if you're not actively contributing to society, if you're not doing meaningful work, if you're not having an abundance of material wealth, if you're not experiencing spiritual peace and alignment, if you're not healthy and fit, if you don't feel loved and have so much love for what you do and the people around you, if your environment is not wholesomely beautiful, you will WANT change.

But not many people make it to change. Everyone knows what they want to do, should have done, should be doing, the right thing to do, but so few actually stepped it up and do it anyway - giving a multitude of excuses to yourself. You know what they are.

Lets get honest. You also know how to change it. You're just not willing to take the effort.

So few are willing to accept who their true self is. So few are willing to answer that call, to do what is right to do, that voice that keeps calling behind their ears, in their hearts, in our hearts.

We know what to do. Yet we don't do it. Excuses. Why?

Because it is easy to deny. Because change takes effort. Doing the right thing takes effort. It is too much trouble. It was well worth it, but we are too lazy anyway.

Let's face it, we are all guilty of it.

Try it: Let's just listen to it for once. Let's just get up and do the right thing for once. See what happens. And then another, and then another. It will certainly lead to a very different place.

I'm sure.

Finding Your True Self

What if I told you that I can help you find your true self? Would you believe it? Would you let me try?

Why you can dance, and why you cannot dance

Sometimes you see people dance effortlessly, carelessly

Children, drunk people and old people can dance. Sometimes, in-love people. And people who think (know) they are good.

Why? Because they don't care what people think about them, what people say about them, who will laugh at them. They just do it, for the sake of doing it. They feel it in their body, and they answer that call to move! It's very simple.

How do you dance? You just move! Listen to the music, feel it in your body, follow the beat/flow.

All babies and little children can dance. Most just lost that ability as they grow older.

Same applies to drawing/painting, making music and other artsy stuff.

Why you cannot dance?  

Because at some point in your life, someone tells you that you can't, or make you think that way, or you grew up got too self conscious about your self and your body to just let it move, and when you needed to be cool, and letting your body to just move wasn't cool.

Because at some point, people start to make you think that dancing has to be in a certain way, a certain steps, a certain style, attend a certain class, follow a certain teacher, be in a certain group, using a certain kind of music, confining you to these so-called standards, instead of allowing your personal style to be expressed.

Because, you haven't moved listening to a music since you were 3 years old, because people ask you to sit down and be quiet, or just follow what they do. Any skill unpolished is not surprisingly rusty. If the last time you actually tried to dance was during your kindergarten concert, don't be surprised if you still dance like a 5 year old. You're not untalented. You just didn't.

Money and Fat

Many times when I talk to people about losing weight, I talk about being aware of and accepting your fats.

Accepting my fats?!

The money story

OK, think about when you withdrew cash from your bank account. What happens after a couple of days?

Most likely, you will be asking yourself, "Where have all the money gone?"
Hands up if this did not happen to you. How come you can sometimes live with very little money in your wallet and still somehow get by, but when you withdrew the money fresh from the ATM, it will all be gone before you even noticed?

How to safe all the money

If you are planning to safe money, first you will have to spend less than you earn. 

Every month, you put aside an amount that you want to safe, and then you get to spend the rest. You might even spend a little extra sometimes, but it is OK if you make up for it the next time.

Keep the money long enough and it will start accumulating some interests on its own. Get them in to fixed-deposits and you can accumulate even more interests, and you credit them to principal, and eventually, the interests will start compounding into significant amounts!

Spending the money


If you have lot of cash, and you keep it at home, or in the bank, you're not gonna use it anyway.

So no matter how rich you are, if you don't carry your wallet around with you, you're not gonna have money to use. You'll have no money to pay for your ride, no money to buy things with, or buy food with. So what's the point of being so rich? If you're not gonna spend some money on yourself (or others), why gather so much money?

How to spend all that money?

So let's say you are in a situation where you have too much money. So how do you get rid of it?

Just grab some cash and credit card, stuff it in your wallet, ask a few friends out to the mall, and just watch the money disappear! Poof! That's it, before you even realise.

Sometimes, you may feel uncomfortable carrying all that money. It's cumbersome, you might get robbed, applying for credit cards are troublesome, but if you don't take it along with you, you won't use it.

So what's the point here? 

The point is, in your workouts and in your daily activities, if you don't "carry your fats around with you", you're not gonna use it.

This has to do with the tendency for us to adjust our posture according according to the fats we've accumulated. Like if your butt is heavy, you'll tend to stick it out more. If your belly is huge, you'll let it drop in front of you. If you're generally heavy, you will be more likely to drag yourself around more, reluctantly. So all these habits are not very "spending". In fact, the longer you conform to the bad posture, the faster your fats will turn into fixed-deposits, with compounding interests!

Generating cash-flow

Using up fats takes muscle tone and blood circulation. 

When we are in a bad posture, we tend to be straining smaller groups of muscles while neglecting some others, failing to use the muscle system as a whole. And it is where these neglected muscles are that fats will form and skin will sag. And it is where the muscles will feel the weakest and most reluctant to work after a period (sometimes lifetime) of inactivity.

Having the right posture tends to force these muscles to work - especially muscles around the core. The more the muscles are stimulated, the more blood will flow through, and the faster your fats will be replaced by muscle mass.

It's like carrying cash in your wallet

Sometimes, people complain that they workout so much, yet they couldn't get rid of the fats in some areas.

If you are in this situation, you might want to recheck your posture, especially during your workout. If your posture isn't right, you're not working the right muscles.
It's like going out without taking your wallet with you, and the money is still in the bank!

In fact, if you have the right posture, your body will start working those muscles even when you're not at the gym. That happens when every regular movement such as sitting, walking and going up the stairs uses whole groups of muscles instead of the few.

Along with that, by being conscious of my fats, my body alignment is more accurate, and it triggers a kind of awareness in my body that says "these are extra fats, I don't need them," and they will eventually get the job done.

So when you start working out with the right posture, you may initially find that it forces you to do it the hard way, your body will feel different, awkward, it is alot more tiring, requiring fewer reps, but at the same time, every little movement seem to force alot of muscles to get working.

It's like spending all your money on one or few expensive items, rather than buying many small, regular items. The money just goes out alot faster.

So, the next time you walk up the stairs, do jogging, or go for your next workout session, uplift the bum, bring your tummy with you, or whatever fat part that is, feel the fat, and watch it get worked out.

Good luck!

Life Lessons from Dance Improvisation

Stop thinking and let your body do the dancing

Authentic improvisation comes from the body, not the mind. You do not think about what move you are gonna do. You just get your mind out of the way and let your body move. Set steps, techniques and movement sequences are not necessarily you. They may not be true to the moment, or your mood, or the music you are dancing to. They may not even be true to how your body should move! To find true movement, sometimes you may have to unlearn what you practiced, and let the movement from your body flow through...

You may have been taught about what you should do or how you should be, but that may not be necessarily true to you. Sometimes, you may have to let go of conscious thought and let your heart go. Then can you live true to yourself.

Be conscious of the body and space in the current moment  

One movement may lead to a shape. From the shape, a new movement awaits.
If you find yourself following up with the same kind of movement every time, perhaps you have "automated" your dancing. You are dancing by memory, you are not really improvising at the moment. Choose to be conscious about your body, and discover other potentials of movements following the previous movement, and you may discover something totally new!
The process is a partnership of the body and mind - body exploration, mental consciousness. A good balance produce wonderful results.

Just as many processes and risk-taking require both instinct, strategy and self-awareness. A combination of both gives the best results.

Go the distance

Being conscious of the moment also mean going the distance with each move, maximizing the extends of each shape or movement, be it an extension, a contraction, a release, or a fall. Then only can you truly enjoying the dancing, in addition to appearing more dynamic and interesting.

If you haven't gone the distance in the endeavours you undertake, you probably haven't truly discovered your true potential in it, and learn to truly enjoy it. People say, do it well before you give it up.

Don't take yourself so seriously

Let go and have fun! Jump like a kid in a puddle. Skip around, sway, fall, act and be playful! There are no rules when it comes to improvisation. You can do just about anything. Only thing is, you need to take risks and let yourself go. Try movements you've never done before. Do things you would never think of as a dance. No one can tell you what you can't do. Most importantly, people will notice it if you're enjoying yourself, and they would have so much fun watching you too!


People love to see people who make them happy. Afterall, who can tell you how to live your life?


I would love to hear about the principles from other disciplines as well. Do you have any?

The Edge of Competency

 Many times, I am given a task to do something, I hesitate. I hesitate to start and I hesitate to finish. Some people call it procrastination. Some people call it lazy. I call myself both. Add it bits of perfectionism, and it's very close friend - feeling not-good-enough.

A Chronic Case of Feeling Not-Good-Enough

Looking back, I find myself being very attached to this feeling not-good-enough. It is as though I'm really that bad at doing anything, that I didn't want to do it at all. Or if I started, I am too ashamed to submit it or post it up anywhere.

I tried a few methods to work myself out of it. This blog being one of it.

Finding reasons to be not good

So I had this habit of constantly finding people and things that are leagues above me, and comparing myself with them. I know that the feeling is partly rational. Looking around me, I certainly know who I am better compared with, but my mind and emotions are fairly focused on the people who are better than me.

I initially started off with people who are just a bit better than me, but I gradually worked up to those of world class standards.


While technically, it is good to aim high and to develop some constructive criticism of ourselves, you know what people say about aiming too high.

Not only that, I also find myself constantly searching for something new to do, some new skill set to develop, and something that I am not good at.

Not that it's bad to challenge yourself with learning a new skill or pushing your standards, but I came to find that it's really not helpful to do everything at the edge of my competency. In fact, this edge has become some sort of a comfort zone, which acts as an excuse for me to not do anything substantial, to push further up on expertise in one skill set, but rather meddle with many.

*Ironically, my writing of this former paragraph still lies within the same pattern of judging myself towards incompetency.

Focusing on strengths

Positive psychologists found that managers who focused on their employee's strengths are able to significantly increase employee productivity. People who have a good understanding of themselves and constantly work on developing their talents were able to achieve more success compared to those who are more focused on improving their weaknesses.

Not only is working on something that you are already talented at improves productivity, it also opens up the avenue for you to push it to a higher level of competency (metaphor: climbing the hill of competency), as opposed to staying mediocre, and needless to say, it is also much more helpful for your self-esteem, passion and desire to do more!

*Which leads me to some new questions:
- Which "hill of competency" should I climb?
- Should I be an expert "meddler"?

I am a hill

So, to ask  "Which hill of competency should I climb" already made an assumption that "I am incompetent."

A more positive approach would be:

     I am a hill, I become more of myself.

But to "become more of myself" implies that I am not "myself enough".

     I become myself

To have to "become" myself implies that I am not myself. 

    I am myself.
     I am who I am.
....It's who I really am...
 

What Education

So the question about education is a hot topic now, brewing somewhere just below the surface of other concerns like the economy and the environment. But in fact, it is the foundation in which all these factors were laid.

If the world is wrong today, so what happened in education for the last 10, 2- to 40 years that made it wrong? Is it getting increasingly wrong? Will the nest 10, 20, 30 years be even worse than where we already are? What about some of the mini revolutions that were so strongly advocated as the new order thinking, providing a great leadership future for the next generation, holistic education and all.

But what's the hit? And what's the miss?

Why is traditional schooling and exams irrelevant?

Lets be honest. How many of us did not agree that 90% of what we studied in school is no longer used in the working world, except for that rare group of people who actually went back to school and teach the exact same things to kids as a job?

Some of those 10% were expanded upon in college, and depending on what course you major in and what job you end up taking, many more were thrown away.

Simple fact that everybody knows.

So school subjects are useless?

Well, I'm not saying that we shouldn't learn about our bodies and how the heart pumps blood through our blood streams that runs through our bodies or how rain cloud is formed and why there is rainbows.

In fact, I'm all for science and knowledge gathering, if just to understand our world a bit more - which certainly helps for us to function a little better. Takes some of the fairy tales and guessing games away as we grow up, didn't it?

And who can deny the importance of literacy? If we are to gather more knowledge through reading, surely the mastery of its language is of foremost importance.

Well, of course we use math on a day-to-day basis. You count your money, you count your time. You count your people, you count your percentages, your probabilities... and that's probably as much as the average usage of maths on a day-to-day life. And that's math up to... lower secondary school.

So what are we missing out on?

Most of us who went through formal education would emerge through life to find ourselves barely prepared for certain things in life, things that we didn't know we didn't know, until we are face to face with situations which slams on our face, making us begin to question things like:

• Life and death, the spirit and the meaning of our existence
• Relationships and social skills
• Psychology, mental-emotional health
• Happiness and satisfaction in life
• Health care and medicine
• Management and leadership
• How money works, economy and finances
• How to survive in the modern world
• How to survive if you're thrown into the jungle
• How to survive a disaster/accident/outbreak
• Questioning, reasoning, critical thinking
• Curiosity and investigation
• Fun, play and humour
• Sex, marriage, childbirth, child-rearing
• Personality building
• Human rights, criminality and justice
• Love, conscience and compassion
• What we really want
• How to care for wildlife and the environment
• How to care for other people
• Culture, history, human nature and it's implications

While knowledge covering these subjects are occasionally touched on these in certain subjects, or you hear that very thoughtful teacher of yours speak about, to a school kid, it certainly isn't as important as finding "x", ripping their hair off memorising the 72 "moral values," which year did the Sultan sign the treatise with Britain, or which side to put the date in the formal letter.

A human or a photocopier?

How students are assessed and evaluated determines the outcome of an education. Whatever the desired outcome is, the students and teachers will work towards.

In the traditional sense, parents, teachers and the students themselves want more As. And in most education systems, having more As mean memorising tons of factual information, calculation formulas and rediculously, entire sentences of fact, word for word. Some even go to the extend of memorising entire essays, so that they could score a language subject!


Technically, what the exam system asks of is for a student to be a photocopier! That students spend most of their time memorising and using various techniques to remember whole text books.

Then why do we need a human brain when there is a text book?

The human brain is made to think. It is made to be capable of exceptional cognitive abilities; gathering multitude amounts of data that we don't even realise we are gathering, processing these information into personalised meaning, weighing its pros and cons and delivering its results to you, all in a split second...

Like why you would smile and make friends with this other person, why you would tell them your deepest darkest secrets, why a baby would keep crying until he is delivered to his mother.

Why you just have that gut feeling that this sales man is lying to you, or when you should switch lanes on the road.

Things like how to write a new story, how to create a new device, who to marry, how to solve the current economic crisis, how to save the world...are questions that have no answer in the textbook.

So why all the emphasis on what's on the textbook?

OK, I guess I have spoken enough and I will not prescribe what's best for the next generation/your child here.

But I do invite all of you to stop, think and reconsider, why we study what we study, or why the next generation should continue what we have done.

Feel free to share.

The Mind and Body of Pain

Many people unknowingly live with joint pains in their lives. As they go about their day to day lives, as age increase, workload and responsibilities mounting, it is easy to ignore the body and the sensations that it is giving. It is not until a problem becomes too persistent and too painful to ignore that a problem in the body is addressed.

"No pain, no gain" is the mantra that has been taught to us, about the wisdom of working hard and persevering for long term benefits. However, in medical understanding, pain is attributed to a sickness or a problem. As a part of the human survival instinct, pain is designed to help humans or living things identify danger or harm. So how come we are contradicting ourselves?

According to The International Association for the Study of Pain, pain is defined as "an unpleasant sensory and emotional experience associated with actual or potential tissue damage, or described in terms of such damage".

While there are many causes for joint pains, including bone or muscle injury, and various other diseases such as rheumatism and arthritis, (an exhaustive list here) and may need medical treatment, some of the more common pains are simply caused by muscle tension and repetitive strain injury - strain caused by activities that we perform on a day-to-day basis, which may not appear harmful or injurious, bu causes damage in the long term.

Some of us experience pain that have no apparent causes or notable injuries when we seek the doctor, and there is little that a doctor can do. Yet, this kind of pain can be very persistent in our everyday activities, especially if you are an active person or needs to perform physical tasks on a regular basis. This kind of pain can stem from muscle tension, joint misalignment or even mental-emotional - such as stress, grief or anxiety, the type which experts call psychogenic pain.

In such cases, the best relief is to be able to alleviate tension through the practice of relaxation of the mind and body.

Breaking The Pain Pattern
  
As we continue to accept that constant pain and tension is necessary part of our lives, we will continue to breed behaviours and habits that will continue to give us pain - like how you would keep pressing onto that sore knee every time you walk up the stairs.

Eventually, such a pain will become unbearable and you would start to avoid using it all together, and put weight on the other side of your body. This in turn causes pelvic and spinal imbalance, which will create new pains in your hip joints and lower back.

See how this can continue developing into a pain pattern?



The Recovery Loop

We may not realise it, but we may constantly be putting unnecessary strain into little joint muscles to bear the burden of our body weight, muscles which are designed for light movements, whereas large muscles meant to carry the body weight lie dormant. But because we have been so desensitised from responding to our bodily pains, we continue to repeat the habit until the tissues becomes inflamed and sore.

Such as in the situation mentioned above, the tiny muscles in front of the knee cap were forced to bear the burden of pulling the body weight up, when you should really be lifting yourself forward using all the big muscles in your core, buttocks and thighs.
 
However, by learning that the load of your body weight is not meant to be supported by any one small muscle, but distributed across your body, you understand that the pain is not necessary at all, or can be significantly minimised at the very least. In the process, your body feels lighter, your movements easier and swifter, and at the same time, you are also working those areas that have been gathering fat - your tummy and buttocks - all at the same time.

The truth is that, your body knows exactly how to work and heal itself, if we allow them to. If you can learn to listen to your body more often, to be mindful of how it should really work, and allow its natural processes to take over, you will begin the cycle of healing and increased wellness.

Long-Term Pain vs. Short-Term Pain

So can you avoid pain altogether?

If you have participate in any sports lesson, the first thing you notice after your first class is how sore your muscles are. But this does not mean that you should stop the activity altogether. In fact, when you grew your first teeth, and your wisdom teeth, the process was painful too, at varying degrees. And when you get that wound falling from a bicycle, there were some pain and discomfort underneath that scab that you so badly want to scratch and poke.

The point is, pain is not entirely avoidable. We are meant to deal with pain at one time or another. However, the difference lies in dealing with long-term pain or short-term pain.

Identifying Injuries

1. Lazy habits - Most injuries that develop over time were the result of bad habits which I would label as laziness - habits such as slouching is a posture from the unwillingness to hold up the body using the core muscles, but letting the body "rest" which in actual fact, puts strains on particular small muscles.

2. Wrong technique - Perhaps, you may find that certain exercises you do don't seem to give you better results even if you have repeated it for several weeks or months regularly. But instead, you experience pain in the course of the activity, and the pain may have even increased even though you did you increase the intensity of your exercise. In this case, you should know that you might be using the wrong muscles to perform this activity, as if you have done it correctly, you should see improvement over time, and pain from unfamiliar muscle activity would cease.

Another good indication of technique is the area of pain. Pain in the muscles from overworking is much less of a problem compared to pain in the joint. As muscles are made of elastic tissues and have ample blood supply, it can stretch, and recover itself easily when experiencing microscopic tears (which is common in weight training). However, the joints are made up of tendons and ligaments, both which are non-stretchable. But when stretched or strained, they are slow to heal and generally does not go back to its original form.

Sharp pain is another indicator for wrong technique. Tears in tendons, ligaments, muscles and fascia. Other possibilities include pressing on nerves, which may also bring about sensations of numbness, giddiness or nausea.

3. Holding in tension - Muscles operate in 2 ways - contraction and extension. The alternation of this contraction and extension of muscles create movement in our joints. And naturally, we would think that holding a position means keeping the muscle contracted, and the sensation of contracted muscle seem to communicate strength, control and work. However, the contracted muscle is stiff, and if we attempt to stretch it, we would be fighting with our own body, causing tear and harm. Muscles are mean to be mobile and dynamic, to assist us in movements. If holding muscle contractions is a constant habit, you may have many sores and injuries in your body.

Also, if we are in a state of emotional stress, it is a natural response for our body to contract its muscles, to keep us in a state of vigilance. This state is tiring and it will not take long before the body is exhausted. To maintain endurance, become more flexible and minimise injury, the muscles need to work in a relaxed, extended manner. This not only appears graceful movement, it also helps one feel calm and light!

Change That Attitude

Training, stretching and your favourite activities need not be painful or injurious, if done the right way. Physical activities should be enjoyable, help you stay healthy, fit and most of all, happy!

So if you find yourself in the habit of hurting yourself, ask yourself again:

- Is this the right way to do it?
- Should this be so painful after so many times? If not, then what is the right way to do it?
- How can I use my whole body so that the load of my body weight is distributed across the large muscle groups?
- How would my healthy body do it?


If you are certain that the issue is physical, you can always ask your teacher or trainer for advice, or if you don't have one, attend classes from a teacher who can help you with these issues. Some teachers may dismiss pain and injury as common or part of the process, but a good teacher would be able to point you in the right directions. Otherwise, you may hire a specialised practitioner, counsellor or a coach who can help you specifically with forming movement and emotional habits.

Feel free to comment on if this article have helped you, or if you practiced other techniques that were really effective in helping you deal with pain healthily.


To find out more about how you can improve your life through , email movenphil@gmail.com.

A Good Philosophy

A good philosophy or principle, should be one which serves you well, and one which you can apply to multiple areas - be it a philosophy in dance, movements or in life.

I find that once I build a philosophy, situations in life will challenge it. The challenges mostly serve to strengthen or debunk my believes. In other areas, they caused me to question if I should continue pursuing an activity which appears not to be in-line with my principle or philosophy.

Why develop philosophies?

Because it is easier to navigate the complexities of life once you have a central belief system to be your guide, your core value, your compass. A strong belief system can guide you anywhere in life.

Just like how you can perform any dance well, with a well developed core.

And like in life, once you understand how movement aesthetics can be achieved, it is easy to learn and perform all kinds of dance gracefully - because all well-developed artforms would have eventually arrived at the same conclusion about its aesthetic philosophies,

A good teacher

A good teacher should be able to teach movement based on priciples; the origins of movement, how to use your core for support, how to genuiely look relaxed yet large on stage - and will not make you do multiple mis-aligned movements at a time.

A good dance technique should be sustainable; can be practiced for long periods and mutliple times without causing injuries (as long as your mind remains focused), keeping both performance aesthetics and your well-being in mind.

The catch

If you are a ballet dancer dancing on point, you may find that no amount of technique mastery can alleviate the pain of the pressure being put on your toes. However, the right technique should significantly minimise the pressure by effectively distributing the load throughout your body.

So

What philosophies have you developed about your dance and your movements?
Do you learn multiple types of dances? What philosophies or principles about movements that may have helped you navigate across the various genres?

My long hiatus...

The year of 2011 was an eventful year for me as a performer and as a person. It was the year I had pushed myself to take more dance courses and perform more publicly.

Short+Sweet 2011 - Her Story: A Conversation

I did the ASWARA Short Course, tango, attended workshops by Lee Swee Keong, Michael Xavier Voon, and others, created a few new works - The Time Traveller, The White Scarf, and Her Story: A Conversation. I performed at a few small events, took part in Short+Sweet, which is the most exhausting, did PenangPAC opening ceremony and Pebbles, both with Rivergrass.

Myself and Angeline in a moment of truth...

At the same time, I was also working hard on the school concert. Despite handling such a large team of performers, I knew I reallly wanted to polish the performance quality in my students, where I dug deep into each and everyone of my dancers to get the best of them onto the stage.

It was also the year that I felt I have grown the most, facing myself, my weaknesses and building up my strengths. I had realigned my body, my mind, and my emotions.

Needless to say, the year left me exhausted. My juice was sucked dry. But more than that, all that realignment has left me with a strange new me. I didn't know what to do or how to dance with this new me. I stopped all existing dance activities and decided to go back to basics. I took ballet classes. But then I stopped, and I went back to contemporary. All in all, I have not been able to create anything for myself since the beginning of the year.

I needed the time to reflect, to settle in to my new body, learn about it, to tell new stories about myself, my life - a happier one, definately.

After so many month, I'm beginning to get some glimpses of new possibilities. I am looking forward to more dances to come, reflecting a freshed, newer me!

So, what does your creativity mean to you? How have your growth changed the works you produced? How do you come back from a long dry spell? Feel free to share your thoughts...

Till then, happy creating!

Fear.

Everybody has fears.

Most of us were taught to fear our fears, growing up. Fear is used to hold us back from doing what society doesn't want us to do... such as making alot of noise, or being naughty.

As an adult, I still feel overwhelmed with fear, wherever that came from. And if you are familiar with fear, you would know that it's very, very crippling. (such as the fear of success)

The most pressing fear I am having now is the fear sharing information with the world. I didn't like socialising as much as most people do. I was afraid that the more informaiton I reveal about myself, the more I would be "found out". Found out about what? Is there really something to hide?

Upon introspection, I find that my fear of success stem from my school days, over the course of my primary years through my university days.

Back in my lower primary years, I was a high-achiever - always aiming to be at the top of the class, not content with 98% marks, aiming for the hundreds - and constantly living with the pressure of falling, of being called "sombong" or arrogant in Malay, by my classmates. I was afraid of making mistakes in my exam papers, and at the same time, I don't want to be judged that way, because I am certainly not an arrogant child nor one who likes to show off. But ofcourse, that level of perfectionism is sometimes perceived as arrogance by some, or perhaps I had unintentionally done so.

Inevitably, one has to give way to pressure. My grades starts to drop. And by the time I entered secondary school, I am one of those hanging on at the last position of the top class (that I have always been in), just praying that I wont get kicked into the second class or so. There, I hanged on for the rest of my schooling years. I was glad I made it through with grades good enough to enroll in a reasonably good course in a good university.

After finishing secondary year 5, I was admitted to MMU (Multimedia University) and started my foundation course to a degree in Creative Multimedia.

During my first term there, I was pretty exited. It was like getting a second chance in life - moving in to the hostel, studying a course that I am more interested in than all that mumble-jumble stuffs in school, new friends, new environment; I wanted to recreate a life like how it was back in my primary days - being a high achiever instead of a slacker, I wanted to be successful again!

But soon, the temptations of uni life proofed to be too hard to resist - Broadband internet, mmorpg, boyfriend, late-nite chats - by the time I entered my First Year, I was back to a slacker. By the end of my Second Year, I already felt the need to hide and run from alot of people - friends, class mates and lecturers, keep a low profile, fly below the radar - just so not to draw so much attention to my failures, my truancy, late submissions and the like. I have always stuggled with procrastination (and eventually learned from this productivity enthusiast) and along the way, discovered some strange, self-sabotaging behaviours; e.g. if I tell people about my progress, my work will simply stall there, without further progress. Therefore, I start to avoid talking about my work.

All those year, I constantly carry this overwhelming sense of guilt and shame, that when I meet people face to face, they would judge me for my weaknesses. So I avoided meeting people. I went on friend-hopping, knowing them only long or deeply enough to complete assignments and group works, but avoiding intimacy. I didn't want them to know how weak I really am.

Interestingly, when I did my final-year-project in Virtual Reality, I started a blog to log my progress. I temporarily overcame my procrastinating tendencies by fully immersing myself in the process and allowing myself to be vulnerable by reporting even the blunder or mistake I've made. Being a perfectionist, I had to tell myself to "post it up no matter how ugly I think it is." It seemed to work.

So here I am, posting it up, embracing my fear (like this guy here), even though it's ugly. What do you think?