Fashion and Dance: Geometry in Motion

This is a piece created for a fashion launch of the collections of my talented designer friend, Pearly Wong. http://pearlywong.co/

Event page: http://minutspaceinit.blogspot.com/2013/03/minut-init-x-pearly-wong-info.html



Unfortunately, the final piece was not recorded, but here it is...

Dancing Now We Are Free a.k.a. Into The Wind

So, after much hiatus, I now present to you, my latest solo piece, Into The Wind.
Enjoy...

"Don't try to do anything. Don't even try hard. Just do it."

Thought of the day, inspired by Tony Robbins.

I Have A Dream...

I do what I do, simply because I have a dream. Sometimes I forget, but I want to remember, and I want to share it with people, with people who may be dreaming the same dream as I do...

• I dream of making this world a better place, where people live in peace and love one another.
• Where people are not so rushed or hurried to pursue the riches in life, but take their time and feel one another, and feel the world, feel their existence in the world.
• I live, in a slower pace than most people around me. Perhaps I could slow down the hurried, the overly rushed, and make them feel and think, and enjoy their presence, here in the world... just like how nature, moves slowly, but surely.
• I dream that we would be kind to one another, that we would make decisions that considers the best interests of one another, that understand its effects and consequences to one another, that we do not simply take from others, what is not ours.
• I dream that we could live in harmony with nature, that we learn to realise that it is nature that offers us the greatest abundance, enough for all of us to share, that there is no need to fight or to steal or to compete.
• That our need for abundance does not need to be in conflict with the very nature of the universe, of our existence...

The Pressures We Put On Ourselves

About 2 years ago, I had a major breakthrough in my work with my body. I was finally able to understand how it feels to be truly aligned and released.

However, I was working in a static state, not dynamic - as in standing still vs. movements. The wonderful alignment cannot be sustained as I have yet to develop the necessary muscles to uphold that posture. To do so would take constant work of daily alignment and exercise. In addition to that, I have discovered some dormant muscle injury that was the result of an electro-acupuncture session gone wrong. It was an extremely challenging phase, not only physically, but also emotionally. Soon I slowly let it go, the old habits took over again and I lost that wonderful feeling.

2 years on, I find myself stuck at my performance level, and that there is no way to move forward other than to deal with my alignment again. This time, with a more prepared and positive mind set, and I opt to work more dynamically.

You see, the benefits of working dynamically (with movement) is that you are constantly building muscle and conditioning your movement habits as you work - rather than just "stacking" your joints and expect them to stay there.

So last week, during my dance sessions, as I was working on my body, I discovered 2 habits that was holding me back.

1. There is a sensation of pulling back/clawing down along my middle-lower back muscles.
My teacher commented about my habit of contracting that part of my back to develop an arch and to extend my legs backwards. Now I suddenly realised how dominant that sensation was in my overall body posture.

2. As I work to release that sensation, I found another, even more influential force that is holding me down - there is a pressure over the top of my head that is pressing me down.

Well, technically, it was me, putting that pressure on myself. But it did felt like an invisible hand pushing down on me. It's still me.

So what I did was, I mentally "opened up" this pressure over the top of my head, like opening a box and letting the sensation out.
The mantra I gave to myself was to "believe in the higher power," that is to trust the natural forces to hold up my body, instead of me trying do push myself up.

The counter force to that is also the ground. Dynamically speaking, the more force going downwards, the more counter force there is going upwards, which is how an extended, lengthened body comes about.

So the second mantra was to "believe in the ground I am stepping on." It is the sensation of developing trust, that all is fine.

This sensation extends the highly contracted muscles in my legs, especially my quadriceps and calves.

It is a wonderful load of pressure released from my body from these 2 exercises.

I hope that my sharing of my experiences can benefit your practices as well.

Until next time, warm regards...

"(Dancing is) constantly doing a lot of active stretches."
- Mew Chang Tsing

Body Imagery

Are you able to close your eyes and "see" your body? What do you see?

Do you see colours? Do you see mass and hollow? Or do you sense it in another way? Ie: Sounds and feelings?

Seeing the body is the process of bodily awareness - to be aware of which part of your body or rather muscles is active, which part is passive.

Activity is when a muscle participates in a supporting function in your posture or movement, either mildly or in extreme. It may be extended, or contracted.

Generally, the bodily muscles work together to move, even in a small movement, like lifting a glass of water, as one change in a muscle, creates responses in various adjoining muscles, and all our muscles are intertwined, connected, working as a whole system. Technically, any effort to stop certain parts of the muscles from responding develops into unnatural movements, which inevitably develop tension in another part which is overworked.

When one portion of muscle is overworked, there will certainly be parts of the body muscles which are underworked - passive.

These passive muscles are unhealthy, as habits causing its lack of use will certainly lead to decline of its strength, leading to atrophy, and of course postural changes.

This imbalance may start in one way or the other - either a person had developed the habit of tensing up certain muscles, or the habit of letting certain parts of the body drop when doing an activity.

Movements require full enthusiasm and commitment

It's like, "why do we need to be happy?" As in, we choose to be happy in whatever we do. Because we have to live whether we are happy or not, and we may have to do things we wish we didn't have to, so why not do it well, and do it happily in a relaxed and positive manner?

Movements are the same. We can move like we are forced to, like we don't really care about it, or we can move like we really mean to, using the whole body, the whole set of muscles involved.

Compare doing something alone to involving everyone around you. 

Everything, including your back, your head, and your bottom, even your legs and your feet moves along, but in a somewhat relaxed, yet directed manner.

So, what do you do, if the body is not wholly involved?

It could mean having to let go of tense muscles. It could mean picking up slacking muscles.

But another way, is also to sense the whole body. To see it moving as a whole. To see it all lit up inside, or to feel that the energy is through. 

This imagery is not just limited to the anatomical body. As you learn to be conscious of the insides of the body, also be aware of what's outside. As we move, our energy fills the space around us. To be able to fully fill up this space, your body would have already been balanced.

Exercises to do this

There can be guided or standard exercises to achieve full balance of the body. Practices of Qigong and Taichi was developed in the way that helps a practitioner develop this flow in the body and outside.


However, a generally good mover have good balance and awareness of the body and its surrounding space as a whole.


In an active warm up, where you move in your stretching instead of doing static stretching, your aim to find these areas of imbalance, stuck energy and other tension in the body, and let them through.

Which is why, active stretching with body awareness is more ideal compared to standard warm ups as our bodies are different from one another and from one day to another. To do so, it involves the coordination between mind and body.

To respond to these differences are only wise, if one is to perform well.

Some learning quotes, some food for thought

"Learning is to be aware of what is already inside of us." Bob Proctor

"To dis-cover is to remove the cover of." Jack Canfield

Sound and Movements

There are many ways of creating dance - or rather "there are many sources of inspiration" for creating dance. Some create based on a storyline, a character, an image, an emotion, a life event, a music, etc..

I personally love creating dance based on music. Music moves me, like perhaps you have seen how  Gangnam Style move this baby.

I am one of those very kineasthetically responsive individuals, and was particularly reactive to pulsating pop beats when I was in my childhood all the way through my teens and early 20's, with pop being a huge influence in my interest in dance as mentioned here. Of course I'm not about to burst into a Gangnam "horse ride" the moment I hear the song now, but you get the idea.

Then as I mature, I find myself responding more towards subtle, meditative tones of Asian classical music, or strong orchestral harmonies, including western classical, new age and contemporary genres - such as the soundtracks of Hans Zimmer.

Music gives me vision. I see movement, feel movement, and I am driven to move. Music sometimes drowns me. I can become drunk in music, even when I'm not drinking. Itut is where my most passionate pieces come from.

However, there are school of thoughts who decides that dance should be independent of music. On a moderate scale, it should be telling a story beyond what the music is telling - which has a good point. But on an extreme level, choreographers are purposefully using music or sound just as a backdrop or "noise," and having the dancers dance in a way that completely ignores the rhythms and flow of the music.

Some dances are performed in silence.

I haven't done the extremes yet. For now, I am still very much attached to my music... like a lover...

Moving to sound

In my practice of dance and improvisation, I have found spaces where certain movements and exact matches for certain sounds and certain notes, where our body acts like an instrument, like a recorder with its holes along our torso, or a drum set, with sounds at different spaces.

It may take a more auditory person to be able to "hear" sounds in their body, just as it may take a more visual person to "see" movements in space.

"Seeing" movement

In most of my dance teaching, it is very common for me to give instructions to my students, such as in children's creative dance and improvisation classes to "paint in the sky." This is where you imagine that your hands become paint brushes, and that your sweeping movements create colours where the air is your canvas. You can really have lots of fun, "painting" the world around you with the sweep or your hands, your feet, and other body parts. It is usually important to "see" where your movement is coming from and where its going, partly also to be able to decide on the aesthetic result you are trying to achieve and to fill in the space with the presence of your movements.

The non-visual dancer

However, during my course of teaching, I had encountered one student who was particularly gifted in his hearing. He is a natural musician and composer. He can play any instrument he tries, and any tune he hears in his head - or at least that is what I have observed. However, he was struggling in my class, which was unfortuantely compulsary for him to complete as a part of his IB MYP program.

After struggling for some time, I finally had a chance to work with him personally.

I figured that since he can't "see" movements, perhaps he can "hear" them.

I began working by opening up his body through the sound of my voice, moving through different notes to stimulate different joints in his body.

It immediately worked! His hardened, skinny body suddenly is able to start moving fluidly, and he suddenly understood improvisation in a way he never had before!

Finally, he was able to create a solo piece to submit as a final work to complete his program. It was not perfect, but it was good progress.

And I finally understood now, that some people cannot "see" movements, but perhaps, they can "hear" movement.

If you are a teacher, what difficulty have you encountered with students learning dance?
How do you overcome them?

Until next time,

Take care.

Energy, Vibrations and Holistic Wellness

"Everything has vibrations," as physicists, people who dabble in energy works, law of attraction and the likes would tell you.

Sounds are made of vibrations. We all know that. But movements too has vibrations. You and me, as human beings, too, has vibrations.

Vibrations are emissions of energy. We are an energy conductor. Energy flows through us, and into other things, through our actions, our thoughts, our words, into the things we create, and it is passed along as we go.

In Chinese philosophy, we call this chi or qi. In Hindu philosophy, it is Prāṇa. Both come to mean life force or vital energy.

And in our bodies, there are centres or magnetic fields which are said to generate, conduct or store this energy. The dantian in Chinese, and chakra in Sanskrit. These are a series of vital points in our body which corresponds with vital organs. The specific understanding of these points, and its number may vary between teachings, but generally, these series of points runs across the centre of the human torso, from the base all the way up to the head. 

Imbalance, stagnation or blockage in these centres are said to cause symptoms of physical ailments and certain behavioural problems.


For example, a blockage in the 3rd Chakra may defined by physical symptoms of indigestion. Emotionally, it may be expressed in the form of anxiety and extreme introversion. Mentally, this person may feel very disempowered and fearful in his or her life.

It's just a Chicken & Egg story

For some, the study of these metaphysical philosophies seem like superstition or beyond logic. After all, not everyone can claim that they can see auras or other people's energy fields.

However, these are just another branch of study that helps us understand and assess the human condition as a whole. Unlike western medicinal principals which only focuses on the anatomy, eastern philosophies acknowledge the correlation between the mind, body, emotion and spirit as being inseparable. It is a definition of our whole being, and a shift in one aspect, will inevitably effect all others.

Take the 3rd chakra as an example again. A weakness in this area can also be seen posturally, in a collapsed abdomen, weak core muscles - or can even be simply defined as a hunch or a slouch. In movement, he or she may find difficulty in opening up the abdomens, such as in a back arch.

The Correlations

There is a direct relationship to how the various aspects of ourselves affect one another. For example, an external event may had happened to trigger one person, a person A to experience anxiety and panic attacks. With that this person is constantly fearful and loses confidence in himself. This lack of confidence manifests itself into his posture, causing him to slouch. The emotional turmoil will also develop as digestion problems and breathlessness. The bad posture and digestion problem will eventually create a downward spiral in his overall health and well-being, and this will eventually be obvious in his overall (lack of) glow or aura. His new postural position too, is already causing (and is also the result of) the collapse in his internal organs, which will in turn develop tense muscles in his neck, shoulders and lowerback, while giving him a larger lower belly. And a weakened life force in turn creates more havoc in our overall system. The longer he stay that way, the more hard-wired his system is to this setting, and the more solidly it manifests itself. After some time, you can't really tell anymore, which problem is causing what.

When met with doctors or healers, he will be given a different description of the diagnosis.

Anxiety. Indigestion. Blockage. Bad posture.

Tackling all

It may sound like a bad news that one thing can effect so many aspects of us.

But it is also a good news! Because, it is possible that changing one part of ourselves can positively effect another.

For example, awareness and practice in good posture will relief the energy blockage in that area. Not only that, a change in posture also automatically sends a different message to our minds, forcing us to be more positive and optimistic about life. A good energy healing session leaves us feeling invigorated and healthy again. A good counselling or coaching session may help us overcome a traumatic event. Medication and exercise may leave us healthier and therefore more positive about life again.

However, as I mentioned above, some situations start to get pretty sticky, when other symptoms have become pretty stubborn over time.

And the best way, ofcourse, is to be able to address as many of these aspects as possible to enable rapid recovery and growth. It is the reason why, doctors have now found that medication, coupled with counselling and spiritual support is so much more effective compared to just simply using medication.

What method of healing

I would not claim to be in the position to prescribe any specific form of healing that is best for you and your problems. But I do wish to share the understanding of the self - mind, body, emotion, spirit. And I would emphasize that when there is one aspect of you that you seem to have been struggling with for a long time, and not able to overcome, look at the other aspects of yourself. Perhaps the answer is there. You may have a problem with your body. But look at your relationships, your lifestyle. Or do you have faith? If your mental state is terrible, look at your posture, how are you using your body?

Be aware and find clues and answer in places you may not even have thought of. But don't dabble too much into the spirit. It's a whole other world. We are physical beings after all. Our spirit is perfect. It just seem like it is not because of the other 3 aspects of ourselves.

Health, wellness and happiness is holistic. One aspect cannot be well independent of another.

Until next time, I wish you well...

Muscle and Emotions

We probably all know a little about body language. Different postures express different emotions. We use body language to communicate different thoughts. It does so itself even when we are not realising or controlling what we do with out bodies.

Dancing is about using the body to communicate thoughts and emotions. The process of dance creation or improvisation uncovers the language that is already IN the body, without us thinking too much about it consciously.

Yes, the language is IN the body.

It means that our body stores emotions and memories inside of it, and express it in a certain way in our movements. Like, when a depressed person is hunched, a stressed person's body is tense, even when he's walking, talking, or drinking a cup of coffee.

Sometimes, it is not even about an emotion that is present. It could be from the past - a physical injury, a grievous loss or hurtful actions or words from another person.

All our experiences, as you know, is recorded by our subconscious, and our subconscious memories has physical locations within our body. (There was a book written on it that I just found out about.)

So working on our body, I find, is not as effective as working on my mind.

Yes, our body can learn new movement habits that when developed over the course of 30-60 days, will become automatic. It is important to start with practicing good movement habits through repetitive conditioning. However, there are times when the body seems very stubborn or is fighting against this conditioning. This is where some inner work needs to be done.

When there is a stubbornly bad posture, stubbornly tense muscle, or even dorman muscles, it is very likely that the body is holding in a memory or emotion that is getting in the way of release. Although habits can be trained, I believe that in these cases, overriding it with new habits simply hide its real issue, pushing it further back into the subconscious, where it will manifest itself in some other unhealthy ways.

To address these issues, the first think one can do is to identify the specific muscle group and emotion that is related to this movement habit.

Muscle/emotion/memory

Identifying either one will work as a starting point. The key is to be as specific as possible, and I feel it is best to be confrontational with yourself. To be honest about the real emotion or memory that is hiding inside.

Once you are able to identify either one of these 3 aspects, you can hold it in your mind, and then release it, and go back to replacing it with a new conditioning.

The challenge

The challenge is usually to find out the accurate source of the stuckness. With that, I use clues such as emotional keywords, organ that this certain body part is related to, meaning of chakra - all these are fairly related.

I will be exploring further in this topic in future articles, about identifying stuck muscle groups and releasing them.

Until then, regards...

Dances of Nature: Let Me Help You Realise Your Dream

Now, I'm not much of a producer. At most, I can plan, choreograph, direct, teach, polish, basically putting up everything from scratch - student up.

My job, as a teacher, is to take a newbie, who is passionate and has some talent, and bring him/her up to a performance level within my choreography, or beyond.

Constraints are actually fun to work with - What I am asked to do, what limitations we have, what requirements to meet - with that, I work out something that is good for all, and makes everyone happy. Like give me a theme, give me a number of people to work with, give me the things you would like to have in, even throw in a few music you would like to see danced to (no, don't do that, let me sleep over that one)  - and I'll whip something out for you.

I've been brewing this idea in my mind for a long time, to choreograph a collection of dances that revolves around natural elements, or better still, a full length storyline. After all, it has been my inspiration, and a running theme in may of my works thus far.

So yea, my heart is eager to create something beautiful, something that reminds people of the wonders and serenity of nature, to continue to cherish it, because there is so much magic around us.

So, tell me. I want to work with you. I want to work with your students. I want to fit your requirements. Just throw them to me. I want to see what I can do. Ok?

Contact: movenphil@gmail.com

Alright, take care, bye!

Show Someone You Love Them Today Through Affection

Just a random thought:

1. Hold their hand
2. Touch their cheek
3. Stroke their hair
4. Hold them around their shoulder
5. Give them a big hug
6. Cuddle with them
7. Pat them on the back
8. Give a warm smile
9. Look into their eyes
10. Wipe their tears away, just below the eyelids
11. Put their head on your shoulder
12. Hold both their hands
13. Sit with them
14. Kiss them on the cheek
15. Kiss them on the forehead
16. Kiss them on the nose
17. Kiss them on the lips
18. Kiss them on the back of their palm
19. Caress their hand and palm
20. Lie side by side
21. Lie head to head
22. Sit back to back
23. Put their head on your chest
24. Let them rest on your lap

How many more can you think of ?

New Works To Come, And Future Plans

Am currently working on 2 new solos:

1. With the Wind

Inspired by my trip to Greece, with the wonderful winds of Meltemi in the summer, I hear the voices of a beautiful song in my head, and with that, I was inspired to just fly, with the winds, in my very special piece. Coming out in May.

2. This would be a specially commisioned piece for my dear friend Pearly, an avant-garde a fashion designer, showing off her piece at her exhibition event at Minut Init.

Apart from that, I am also planning on a production, with nature themed choreography, possibly reworking some old works as well as adding in new ones. It would be made up of contemporary dance and improvisational pieces.

I love, love love, to choreograph for people, and I wish for it to be something that can help me nurture and inspire dancers in the process, for it to open up opportunities to all sorts of dancers, including amateurs, late beginners/intermediate dancers to perform. If things work out smoothly, it will happen at the end of the year.


I will start conducting auditions once more things are confirmed. Until then, if you are highly enthusiastic to participate, stay tuned by emailing movenphil@gmail.com or like my facebook page.

Until next time, love.

We are not aware of how much damage we can do to others, until we realise how much damage others have done to us.

Similarly, there are people who can heal us so deeply, which shows how much we can help others heal too...

...Just the thought of the day.

About Me: The Long Story - My Love Affair With Movement

If you had read my about page, you would probably know a thing or 2 about me and my practice. But here, I will share the in-depth story of how I came to where I am at today.

I love movement

I have been studying movement all my life.

From dance, martial arts to sports, I have observed movement from a range of aspects and attempted to recreate them, to understand how movers move - how the best dancers dance, how actors act, how atheles jump, how action is created and how movement flow.

As I study these people more, I began to understand that there is a state of being in which these people had created, a stage persona in their performances. It is beyond what is taught in most lessons, what you see in the apparent.


In my career as a dance teacher, I had taught this method to my students in rehearsing for their dances. The difference is between a mediocre or technical performance, and an emotionally impactful performance.

What kind of dancer am I?

When most people ask me, "When did I first started dancing?" I didn't know how to answer them. Like most people, I started dancing when I was little, I mean baby. Unlike most people, I continued dancing and believing in dance, through adulthood.

I revel in art - I sing, play music, draw, paint, occasionally build or sculpt things, and I aspire to act.

I started off mostly as a self-taught dancer, emulating my idols from music videos and concert recordings, and just moving to the beat to music. I start off with dancing Canto-pop like idols Leslie Cheung, Aaron Kwok, Jimmy Lin and Dicky Chueng, during the late 1980's to the early 1990's, a time that could be described as the peak of the genre. It was a time of elaborate costumes, grand concert stadiums, world class  performances, and of course, superb dance performance and choreographies. The passion in the music and the moving beats sparked my interest in singing and dancing. Of course, the genre also occasionally offered its share of ballads and culturally influenced tunes, along with accompanying performances, sparking my interests in more traditional and lyrical dances.

In the late 1990's, I started paying more attention towards western pop culture. Dancing girl and boy bands - i.e. Spice Girls, Backstreet Boys, N'Sync - became a scarce oasis of reference towards stylistic physical expression. And then Britney Spears, and there were no others like her.

At that time, we have no MTV and there was no Youtube. Even my VCR at home was spoilt and not replaced. What you see on TV is what you get. As much as I wanted to dance along, I couldn't reference well enough, so I had to pick up the dances as I go. Even if there were good references, they were not like today's K-pop where they have complete dance videos. I had make up my own steps in betweens.


But of course, I was too ashamed to let anyone know I love to dance. People make comments. You are a bad kid if you shake your body. You can't really dance if you don't go for classes, but there were no classes to go for. Children are expected to sit still.

So, I practiced in private, when my parents were not around, when no one was watching.

I wanted to do everything. I loved moving, I indulged in martial arts and gymnastics. And as you can imagine, I simply couldn't sit still.

Training hard

It started with a discovery of my enthusiasm towards chinese period dramas with kungfu/wire-fu. It served to tie me towards deeply exploring my cultural roots, which led to my interest in spirituality. The visuals that I see in these stories triggered a sense of stories untold so full in my heart, that I had to express it out in some form of mono-acting, and I started practicing martial arts for the parts I play. I was mesmerised by the visuals of female-wirefu, which resembles a dance more than fighting, hoping to someday float, glide and display such grace and power at the same time. This eventually covered more female heroine characters, that are technically tomboys of period dramas. I started dreaming of becoming an actress, and at that time, Michelle Yeoh emerged as an icon of my dreams.


Immediately, I wanted to sign up for wushu classes to get started on my basics. Unfortunately, things didn't quite happen for me. I ended up settling for taekwando classes which were offered in my school. I didn't like sparring, but instead I trained hard to make sure my kicks and my taegeuks look good and perfect, all the way up to my black belt in year 2000.

Later, when I entered university, I finally got the chance to approach wushu and taichi. It was a wonder that the techniques are so different, so much more complex even on the lower level, but it also means much more variety in movements. I get to practice movement patterns that I had always wanted to do, it was something that I wished I had started earlier on, for the basics in taekwando didn't prepare me for this. I managed to do a few performances with the team, one which included using sticks. Unfortunately, I did not stay long enough to learn weapons which I had wanted so much years ago. My body was getting tired of the brutal hardness of learning martial arts. It is not what I want to do. However, the years of training had further developed the tough body that already was.

Bending soft

During my early childhood, I was exposed to an international aerobics. I was mesmerised with the participant's flexibility and ability to perform acrobatics like cartwheels and walkovers.

Then during the 1992 Olympic games, I fell in love with rhythmic gymnastics. But it was not until the next Olympic in 1996 that I get to watch it again on TV. I loved the grace, flexibility and dexterity of gymnasts. I also learned to pick up on the flow of their movements, which sparked my interests in gentler forms of dance.

Unfortunately, there were no known gymnastic classes at that time, or would it have been a worthy investment as by then, it would've been too late for me to start (it is important to take advantage of early childhood to develop the extreme flexibility required). But I never gave up on the dream of performing, so I resorted to self-training at home.


I became obsessed with stretching. My amateurish attempts at self-training were somewhat successful - I managed to achieve over-splits, a good level of back bend, and walkovers - but it had also left me riddled with injuries. I developed a lower back pain, and hip joint pain. I also learned that lack of proper warm up could result in torn hamstrings.

The body in conflict

Other than the activities I mentioned above, I was also a competitor in the school's high jump events. I started in my upper primary school, but did not do it again until my upper secondary years. Again, I worked very hard to train myself to jump higher, but in spite of the lower-body strength I developed, my achievements were limited and inconsistent. I was frustrated and didn't know what to do. My knees were aching. I didn't know what I did wrong.


Over the years, I kept pushing through in spite of my injuries so that I can do the things I loved. I kept fighting with my body to make it do better splits, but it seemed to have come to a plateau, while my hip joint became riddled with pain. My body no longer wants to put out the brute strength I was forcing it to. I was abusing my body, pressing on my spine, trying to tear my joints apart, punishing it when it doesn't give me what I want. My performance dropped. My body felt so heavy. All these training must have failed, I thought. I must be getting old. I was 20.

By year 2003, more injuries, coupled by other lifestyle factors had left me with little motivation. I stopped practicing wushu.

Going easy

Aside from the occasional music video dancing, a stretch or two here and there, I was no longer doing any serious physical training in the years that ensues. I swim, go to the gym, played badminton and took up archery to keep myself happy in between struggling through university coursework. Any serious endeavour towards physical achievement seemed out of reach by now. I will settle with being a multimedia designer.

Starting Over

So when I began working for a few months, and life seemed miserable and meaningless.

I asked myself, what would I have to do, that if I don't, I would die? Dance.
If I don't start dancing, I would die.

So I started searching through the net for dance courses that rings a bell to me, and in a convenient location. I wasn't driving at the time, and relied heavily on the LRT system. I took some trial classes in a few separate location, and I still haven't found what I want, until I happened upon Rivergrass Dance Academy and attended classes by it's founder/director, Ms. Mew Chang Tsing.

A new philosophy

The first thing that is very different from anything I have learned before is the attitude towards the body and towards movement.

The first was, to love our body, to treat it with kindness and respect. To not force the body to do something when it is already hurting, because when guided, gently, it will still be able to do what we want it to, without the unnecessary pain.

Second, is to listen to the body. The body has intelligence and it has movement, movement that is different from what is in the mind. If we can let go of the controlling mind, to be quiet and observe, the body will speak its language and give us it's answer.

Learning these two principles are a continuous process, but by first understanding its concepts and applicability, it is the first steps in the right direction.

Creating dance

As the process of our learning is mostly improvisational, very soon, I am creating dance. Its was like a burst pipe, where all my desires and longings for dance expressions finally found an outlet. Very soon, I was performing on-stage with the group, with my favourite, Lady In Red - a piece which carries a passionate, tango-flamenco tone with the music Assasins Tango.

It then followed by more and more pieces, and greater involvement within the contemporary dance community as a whole, a course on dance composition which led to my first solo piece, The Tree of Life, and the rest was history.

Aside from the influences mentioned above, I also came from a national school system with a heavy Malay cultural influence. at a very young age, I was exposed to Malay classical and folk dances, but I was most taken by Gamelan, Ulek Mayang, Asyik and Inang, because of how ethereal the dancers look on stage, with elaborate costumes, and hypnotic music.

I didn't know how I pick up on the love of spanish-influences dance, but the passion and sensuality speaks to me.

Teaching dance


This burst pipe of creativity eventually flooded into my dance teaching in the international school, where I choreographed pieces for the school production which I directed, working with other dance and music teachers, and the high school students who were given the freedom to create their own - it basically unleashed my creative monster - a playground where pop, contemporary, and cultural performance items co-existed and weave itself into a story of growing up, learning and living in harmony.

The result was, the students get to learn something totally new, the school get to see something new, and expose itself to various forms of dance, and with my performing experience, I helped the students polish their performance quality to a whole new level.

Teaching dance became something that I had-to-do!

What was most satisfying, was not about the choreography process or the performances themselves. But the growth and connection that came during and as a result of the production was where it was most beautiful.

During classes and rehearsals, I have worked with students of various levels, most do not have dance training outside what the school was able to provide. They spent many years not having a teacher who was actually trained in dance, as had been creating dance for performances on their own. I worked to create dances that is suitable for different age groups, different talents and capabilities, and together, I brought them to a level of performance that is entertaining and emotionally satisfying for both participants and audience.

Beauty in a dance performance had to first come from performance quality and polish.
These had to be a result of meticulous training and even nit-picking. Movements were cleaned up.

Then, there is a very basic but impotant element of appearing larger on stage that performers need to be aware of. Movements have to be larger, more lengthened. Students need to expand themselves into a space slightly beyond themselves. This often challenge people in their comfort zones.

Also, there is the element of eye-contact. Eyes needs to be looking in the right places. It was very difficult for students to look up when dancing initially. Most adolescents and teenagers have self-esteem issues. Dancing on-stage and looking up at the audience was most terrifying and unthinkable of. Eyes wander as a result of a wandering mind too. So much training was centered on them being focused and present in the performance itself.

Last but not least, the importance of emotional interaction. Students need to know what their dance is saying, or what they actually wanted to say to the audience in their dance. They learned to accept it, to be honest about it, about themselves and what they wanted to express, or what I needed them to express in their dance.

I talked to these dozens and hundreds of performing students, some on a deeper level. I got to know them on a personal level to understand their unique challenges, and coached them to overcome their own obstacles, bodily, mentally and emotionally.

What's next?

I believed that the training had challenged them to a greater level, but I believed that more people, young and old can benefit from learning dance and training for performance, and overcoming personal obstacles, moving out of their comfort zones. It is my wish to reach out to more people on the same, deep, soulful level, without the constraints of academic curricula which I had to juggle with in school. I wish to create for, and to spread the knowledge of using the body, and healing its injuries.

The healing process

Over the years, I began studying more about the body as I continue studying alot of personal-developement materials. I wanted to heal, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally.

When I stumbled upon the works of Tony Robbins and understood how much body language affects a person. I saw a video and was very surprised he spoke to one of his workshop participants, and immediately see shifts in their body when their mindset changes. I began observing body language more deeply, and employed questioning techniques to heal my body and let my body work in a more harmonious way.
Many of these techniques were helpful when I was working with my students. I was very enthusiastic about the results that I got and I am determined to practice further and broaden my reach.

Who am I?

I see myself as a life-long learner and teacher. I love to coach people, to help bring out the best in them, in what they do, whatever it is they want to do, to connect with who they are, and find that creative side of them.

As a teacher, I believe that no one is too bad to learn, and no one is too good not to learn.

It is a matter of desire - do we wish to do it or not?

The jewel is inside everyone of us. You just have to draw it out of each person.

It gets personal


I employ techniques from life coaching and strategic intervention, understanding body language  from dance and improvisation, energy chakras and self-healing in my teaching. I do not believe in a sterile teaching environment. A teacher teaches best when she knows her students well, and directly meet her needs and deliver at her level.


For me, I keep learning from personal experiences, my meditations and my readings. I believe everyone should.


I hope to someday connect with you on our journey, where we can share and exchange in mind and creativity.

Love,

Are You Really Ready For Weight Loss?

"We do what we must." - Tony Robbins

We feel, and we become.

But if you are overweight, chances are, there is one part deep-deep inside of you, that wanted to be that way.

Body shock

Any drastic changes to our body can be a shock to our mind - whether it is sudden weight loss, loss of a limb, loss of hair - because our mind is conditioned to being in a certain way and the human mind doesn't generally respond well to changes. Whenever it senses change, it will try to revert back into its old pattern, patterns that feels more familiar and comforting.

Sudden changes to our bodies or environments can have drastic effects on our mental health, resulting in panic/anxiety. Extreme cases of body shock may lead to death - it is also the reason why liposuction has to be done in stages.

In response to more gradual changes, the mind will simply respond like a coiled spring and bounces itself back into its old habits - yo yo diets. 

So now do you understand why people so often eat themselves back into their old weights after a liposuction, and yo yo themselves even heavier than before their diets?


You are not ready to lose weight.

Your mind and body have been so used to the current weight, that the weight loss suddenly feels uncomfortable. The mind goes into a panic, and sets off the alarm button so that you start eating and eating again.

You are not supposed to be of less weight than you are now!

So what do you do?

Accepting the new body

So, before you embark on your next diet/weight loss program, consider preparing your mind into accepting its new body.

As Rhonda Byrne mention in The Power book, Imagine it, feel it, receive it...

It's all a feeling
So you have in mind the kind of body you want. But "seeing" it in imagination still keeps you at a distance.

Can you feel it in your body? Can you imagine how your body would feel when it is different? When it is more toned, slimmer, sexier?

How would you feel, having a body like that? Do you like it? Are you comfortable with it? Are you used to it?

Imagine, what would a person in that body do in a day? What would be his/her habits? How would you move, talk and walk? How would you eat? What would you be eating instead?

If by now, you feel comfortably fit in and totally awesome in your new imagined body, then great! You may be on your path to weight loss already.

Some people are successful in their weight loss programs because they had unknowingly conditioned their mind into accepting their new body before and during the course of their weight loss. As a result, their body does not bounce back into it's old form when they have achieved weight loss.

However, if you find that the slimmer, sexier body doesn't feel quite right, that lifestyle isn't so comfortable, then there is a part of you that is not ready to lose weight.

Why don't I want to be slim?

Maybe, it's that subconscious thing.

There has to be a reason why you ended up with this weight - an emotional reason, a payoff. You might scream, "Why in the world would anyone wants to be fat?" But these reasons go beyond the common, rational desire of wanting to look and feel good. It goes wayy deeper than that - believes and emotional attachments that make up your subconscious programming, which manifest itselves into the everyday habits that drives you.


It could be a limiting believe that you have held:

• I hate slim people, they must be sickly/anorexic.
• It must be difficult and painful to be slim.
• It is socially unacceptable/wasteful of my money to order smaller portions.
• I must eat at every meal time, 6 times a day, even if I am not hungry.
• Committing to an exercise regime is laughable/limiting to my social life.
• You were loved because you are round and chubby. You will not be loved anymore once you slim down.
• I don't have time to care about my weight/health.

Or, it could be an emotional attachment or pain they you trying to avoid:

• You want to avoid being too attractive, because you had received unwanted attention when you were once more attractive.
• You feel very vulnerable against the world and needed the emotional "cushion" the extra body weight provides.
• You like the feeling of fullness over-eating is able to provide you, either in the sense of relaxation from the deep breath or blood rush to your belly, or to prevent the sense of vulnerability from the "emptiness." (yes, because a "normal sized" person experiences periods of empty stomach, in between meals, and it is normal to feel a hungry a few times a day, before meals)

Whatever your reason, your subconscious programming may appear quite illogical. Afterall, it is your emotion that drives it, not your logic. How often do you find yourself knowing what you should do, and not doing it? How often do you find yourself reasoning yourself into doing something and ended up not doing it? Because we are driven by emotions. We are emotional creatures and logic often means nothing to us.

Trying to reason ourselves into losing weight is pointless. Using willpower to wrestle your way through your subconscious programming will prove futile.


Self-honesty, self-acceptance

You may or may not be consciously aware of these programming that drives your habits, and your awareness of them is dependent on the level of self-honesty you practice within yourself. 

You may learn to discover the reasons by first talking to yourself and asking yourself this question  "Why do I really want/need to be overweight?"

You may speak it out loud, but it is easier to write them down own paper. Scribble all the possible answers on a piece of paper/notebook. Keep going when you feel like you are running out of answers. Keep going until you feel that you have reached a point of total honesty with yourself - you may get emotional, you may cry, you may feel scared, you may revive a past hurt or anger.

Whatever it is, get honest. The more honest you are with yourself, the faster you will discover the true reasons for your undoing.

The key is to be entirely open, self-accepting, loving and forgiving. No matter what answer emerged onto your piece of paper, remember to not be judgemental of yourself, not to feel anger or hold grudge towards anyone or yourself. You are only human, and you deserve to be loved no matter what you do/say/think/feel.


Sometimes, the reasons that drives us or motivates us might be a selfish one, immoral, illogical, or downright ridiculous! We didn't know that we are still holding in something from so long ago. But the truth remains that, that is our true and honest self speaking. If we are honest with ourselves, we will always know the reason of why we do what we do. And when you do, release it!

The release

In EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), people tap meridian points and repeat statements to release limiting believes and emotions.

Events in our lives which triggered strong emotions locks in thoughts and decisions made in that instant, that continue to form parts of your subconscious programming. Your decisions may change over months, years or decades, but some of these emotional baggage is so heavy, they continue to linger on long after you had changed your mind on the subject matter.

E.g. - Let's say your boyfriend dumped your for a girl who is rounder than you. At that moment, you decided that "I am going to make myself fatter to look more like her, so that he would love me again."

That would have been an emotional point in your life. Soon, you might start gaining some weight. Maybe you got him back. Maybe you didn't. But you may have moved on. You forgot about the "decision". You are happy with your life now, and wanted to lose weight again and feel like before.

But you don't want to feel like you did before. It would bring you back to the time when you felt so bad about yourself! Why would you want to go back to that?

Accept, forgive, love

Remain calm, loving and accepting of yourself while you ask yourself these questions.

If you want to release your emotional bondage, you must accept that you felt that way, accept what happened to you as the past, that you have moved on. Forgive what happened. Forgive what had been done to you. Forgive the people who had wronged you. They were only human anyway. Forgive yourself for letting that happen to you.
Love. Practice universal love. Love all, love yourself, love people no matter what they do. Love them for who they are.

Accept, forgive and love, it is the most healing thing you can do for yourself and others.

If you are able to accept, forgive and love completely, you will be able to move on. And I urge you, if you are to partake in this process, to complete it up to total release, for otherwise, it would only serve to bring up past unhappiness that you are not able to move away from.

Do not stay in an unhappy place, it is not healthy for you and it will only disempower you.

If you are prepared to keep going and then move on, then good for you. Good luck in trying it. Release your past anger, silly mistakes and brash decisions.
Let go of past baggage and move on.

As you can imagine, this process is not just for weight loss. It applies to anything you want to change in your life.

If you have been working on changing something in your life for a long time and it is not working, you feel extremely stuck, you may try releasing with love.

A new conditioning

While accessing and accepting limiting thoughts and believes releases them from your conditioning, new habits will appear and replace the old ones. If we do not consciously replace habits and feelings we want into our everyday lives, things that we don't want will automatically appear.

As Tony Robbins said, if you don't want weeds in your garden, plant the things you want. Otherwise, you would be forever pulling out weeds.








Weeding is important, but what do you really want to plant?

Start to inculcate that positive image of yourself daily. Integrate positive habits into your life. Imagine, see, feel and live the life you truly want - one that keeps you happy, vital and fulfilled.  

See yourself living anew, starting your day fresh and alert. Partake in positive affirmations, visualisations and meditations. 21 days to perfect health
Feel yourself choosing healthy food choices. Go fresh, go vege, go organic, and taste the difference in the life and vibrance your food offers you!
Develop hobbies in physical activities that inspires you to move and get active. Exercise doesn't have to mean going to the gym! Whatever gets you moving, whatever makes you sweat. Play a game, walk the dog, hike up the nearby hill. Play! Enjoy your life, enjoy your body!
Connect with like-minded people, people who wants to live well, healthy, and positive.
Get your loved ones involved in your activities and goals.  
Lastly, get up your heavy butt, feel mobile, feel youthful, feel light, and move like you mean it! 



Important reminder: The information presented in this article or anywhere on this website are intended for educational use only and are not substitutes for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment of a medical or psychiatric illness. If you have or suspect you may have a health problem, please consult with your health care provider. 

Why I Hated School and My Search for Happiness

This is to all my dear students who are still struggling through school, through teenagehood and those who are still struggling to find themselves. 

I've always remembered that as a child, I wasn't one who is very much a fun one to be with, nor have I found much capacity to have fun with other little kids.

Growing up into adolescence, I became one of those strange kids that people never liked. I talked about things that they don't care about, I behave in ways that they disapprove of, I was hyperactive, hyper emotional, super dreamy, and always in love with somebody I shouldn't.

There were years when I was socially ostracised, became the joke of the class or just simply became invisible. I was the ugly girl who was a little overweight, having too dark a skin, and not cute enough to deserve to be in the spotlight.

I didn't dare to be myself, and when I wanted to, I hardly got the opportunity. At first, I didn't dare to be too good academically as a few jealous kids will say mean things about it, think that I would be too proud, too full of myself. I had subconsciously lowered my scores eventually, just to fit in. Making a few mistakes in exam was more normal. Being too perfect was not.

Singing, dancing and acting was something I really liked, but never made it to the school choir, dance team or have more than a few lines to say in the class drama.I loved drawing and painting all my life, but somehow most of my art teachers in school never quite approved of my artistic tastes - except for one Puan Asnah.


I struggled to find physical and artistic expression - inside me was a monkey who wanted to burst out and jump across the streets, over the rooftops, summersault down the hallway, slide down the stair handles and take over the stage and be the perfect superstar!
But years of training have had it perfectly restrained.

I managed to find some relief in doing some high-jumping (which I wish I proper coaching for), taekwando (as a substitute for my kung-fu movie star/Michelle Yeoh dream) and very lousy basketball playing.

In the mean time, I also streched at home, danced to music videos, watched rhythmic gymnastics and trained myself in such, effectively turning my bed into a crashmat, with bad technique causing an injury or two. When all else fails, I punch pillows and walls and scream like a mad monster.

I was a super sensitive, super emo and constantly in need of love and craving for some warm displays of affection. but coming from a traditional Chinese family, affection is something that was not within the vocabulary. Spanking is what you get.

As it turns out, banging doors, crying, screaming out and withdrawal wouldn't get you the love you want. Comfort and affection might just very well be something you learn through your good friend.

I wanted to find peace. I tried meditation, but it took me to wierd places - at one time, I find myself stopped breathing, so I stopped. I loved nature, and had the chance to follow only 2 school expeditions to the wilderness over the years. I wished I could hide and stay there forever.

Life was super hard, I didn't see much meaning in life. I didn't know how to be happy. It was all dark and gloomy. I seek comfort in bonding with the school counsellor, Puan Siti Halimah. It was unfair because surely, she had many more students she would need to support, but I I studied religion - mostly Buddhism. I was always on the lookout for the love of my life, hoping that he would magically change my life and give me happiness, but its all just fantasy. I was completely incompatible with the school system and with my family culture.

The counsellor believed that I was having depression, but I didn't know what it was. A visit to  clinical psychologist was recommended, but back then, the stigma was still too strongly attached to psychologists, so I didn't.

My last 2 years in school slowed down as subjects became tougher, I became more lost, more drowned in the sea of syllabus. I didn't know what I was doing, I became even more of a zombie, but feigned humour and laughter to pass off as being sociable, if not to cheer myself up. I was secretly in love with a young taekwando instructor (my age) for years, until I was eventually exposed and coldly rejected. I procrastinated in all my homeworks and studying, except when I occasionally the strong motivation, flow or a sudden deep interest in certain topics. Some natural talent helps too. With factual topics like history, I was able to absorb I was hoping that college life would be outlet, but until then, I'll just have to pull through.

And pull through I did, as if with a noose around my neck, just slipping through the gates as it closes in.

Glad I am to be out of it. I hated school with a vengeance.

Life after school

Life after school has its ups and downs too, although I must say that it is a fairly pleasant one, or even way better compared to those school days.

During my university years, I get to move out of the house to live first in the campus hostel, then nearby the campus. My day to day living became independent of my family culture, and in fact, the family dynamics had positively changed, due to my absence. I felt missed and move loved because I am no longer always there, though I do go back on most weekends. I get to study in a course I had chosen for myself, which is creative multimedia and only need to bother about subjects that are relevant. As a design course, I bother mostly with practical design works which are much more interesting and easy for me to perform than reading endless loads of arbitrary information. Most textbooks or notes that we have to study can be directly applicable in practical work, or is somewhat relevant to my field of interest. Life, needless to say, became much more pleasant.

Socially, I also get to start over with groups of new people, who are more similar than me, rather than different. Some more "extremely strange" that I thought I was, but there is a positive sense of appreciation in these eccentric self-expressions. I also managed to get into a relationship which lasted throughout my university years, and beyond.

Of course, not all are a bed of roses. As the course got tougher in the second year, bad habits, unproductive behaviour and dysfunctional personality traits starts to surface.

For the first time, we were presented with unlimited broadband internet, now wired 24/7 - with a myraid of video files shared, games, internet mini games, MMORPG, endless instant messaging, Friendster, Google, Wikipedia. Too many distractions that proved to be more fun and exciting that coursework, unfortunately - and I'm only human. Staying up till dawn and chit-chatting with roommates are some of the most enjoyable things to do during those times.

As expected, I started to not perform as well as I could have. As I struggle to pick myself up again, fighting the distractions, procrastinations, I started to turn my work in late. I didn't feel good about it at all. I had my depressive mood swings again, anxiety attacks and inferiority complex. I struggled with myself, I badly wanted to learn how to deal with myself, because I knew I could do better than this, but I didn't know how to. I was falling behind, further and further. I wasn't happy in my relationship, yet I don't know what to do, or... I just simply didn't have the balls to do what I should do.

In search of happiness

In spite of the lack of external stressor such as family and undesirable study subjects, I still wasn't a very happy person. There was always something wrong somewhere. I always didn't want to do my coursework, even when the rush and excitement of internet and video games reduced. And all these addictive activities didn't exactly make me very happy either. They were just addictive and somewhat pleasant.

I kept myself productive with abit of choir, wushu (continuing my dream of succeeding Michelle Yeoh) and taichi (I wanted to be a kungfu master for real), some organising and comittee work, and a little dancing here and there.

I was constantly stressed and somewhat not quite happy, sometimes without good reason. I wasn't happy in my relationship, but I couldn't understand why. I wanted to understand more about my self, and how to make the best of it. I wanted to be productive, but most of all, I wanted to be happy.

It was then that I began my long search for happiness.

In search of the meaning of life

One issue that had plagued me for a very long time was finding the meaning of life. I wanted to find a reason to live. But most of all, I wanted to know how people live happily, because I felt that if I wasn't happy, then life is not worth living. And I was unhappy so much of the time, I wanted to change that.

I have learned about Buddha's search for happiness when I was in school, and I researched more during these times. I had a picture of the concept, and had contemplated the monastic path, but I didn't think it was applicable at this point. I kept looking.

I search internet for psychology and self-help articles. They helped me understand depression and some other such conditions. I find it comforting to know that there is an explanation for how I feel.


I began consulting the University counsellor too, who encouraged me to push on.

My then boyfriend also borrowed me books on self help.
Life Strategies for Teens was a good workbook style book which introduced to me the concept of "pay-off", understanding that there is a reason why we do what we do, even if we know it was a negative behaviour. It is one that I would recommend to young people who are struggling to understand their own negative behaviour.

The 7 Habits on the other hand, is a timeless guidebook on personal development, on the self, and our role within our surroundings. It was a book that I knew I had to buy and keep my own copy and reread it after I finished reading the borrowed one.
Years after reading it, I somehow would still mentally refer to some of it's concepts when encountering challenging life-situations. True principles never fail the tests of time. In fact, time strengthens principles, and this book is all about it.

I came into the concept of happiness coming from pleasure, engagement and meaning, in which true happiness has to come from engagement and meaning.

Then, I came acorss Viktor Frankl and his search for meaning. He came to the conclusion that the lack of meaning is the cause of unhappiness and inner conflict in people, that people need to find meaning in their lives, no matter what their circumstances.

I hadn't had a very clear sense of meaning yet by then, but I suppose that one pain suffered is a lessons for another.

Finding the flow

I initially enrolled myself in a majoring subject which I knew would be difficult for me, Flash scripting and all. I thought that it has more job options for me in the future and that the (in)famously strict lecturer would motivate me to do well. Unfortunately, it ended up back-firing. I was already dropping out, half-way through. The kind of work also proved to be not my cup of tea.

I lost confidence in myself, took a break from studies and worked part time before I can start a new academic year in a new majoring course. This helped reset things for me again.

I finally decided to take up virtual reality when I returned. 3d seems fun, the interaction didn't seem as complicated as the Flash stuff, my confidence was low, so I thought I'll just take it slow, in a new environment, new coursemates. New beginnings are always good, always hopeful, always fresh. I tried harder this time, did better, and started to find a little flow in my work.

During our final year, we were set to go for our intership training, before we return to complete our final year projects. During the internship training, my boss at the architecture firm, Mr. Ahmad where I was learning to do architecture visualisations guided me through patiently. He supported me and guided patiently in the process, that I begin go have confidence in my ability to work and produce efficiently again in my final year and in my future workplace. This gave me momentum to do well in my final projects for my university degree. I pushed harder, learned from my course mates, I was enjoying the flow of seeing my work improve, I liked the idea of my project, and I liked the process of creating it. It was fun, it was engaging, and I was close to success.

I was very focused on it, and by then, was not participating in any more co-curricular activities other than the one last thing I wanted to do before I graduate - archery.

But it wasn't easy. Just like in archery, my aiming skills are pretty rubbish. My perfectionism proves to be a dangerous ally and enemy. It was with alot of help, alot of push and encouragement from people around me that I had finally made it through my degree. It wasn't bad though, my portfolio earned me an employment in a multinational game company. I expected the employment to be a start of an exciting journey.

What is life about?

But after a few months, something in me started dying inside.

I started to question myself, what is it? What would I need to do, to not die?

Dance. It says.

Yes, I had not been dancing for quite a while. In fact, I was hardly moving ever since I started working here.

I started searching for a place to learn dance for real, and I found my teacher, Mew Chang Tsing. 

I didn't really know much about her back then, or what to expect in her class. I just went to her website, I liked the pictures I see there, I felt good about doing contemporary dance, I called up to ask about the nearest upcoming class, attended it as a trial class, and jumped straight in. I knew it was exactly what I need, what my soul needed. No questions about that.


So, I was enjoying what I do. I had a job that I sort of enjoy doing, and I have a hobby which I really love, but somehow, something still doesn't feel quite right. Weekends, week night, I still don't feel quite happy about where I am at. I didn't like my environment, although I work around the very nicely built KL Sentral area. It was too polluted, too much concrete.

I went for a trip to the Taman Negara, fell in love with the jungles all over again, and had bouts of depression by the time I return.

My company produced nice racing games, won an award or two, but unfortunately, I wasn't as enthused or excited or happy as I was supposed to be. It didn't matter to me. It was meaningless to me. I think of the time when I was addicted to video games, and I felt guilty for making one.

Man's search for meaning

It was then that I reminded myself that I could be doing much more than what I am doing - something closer to what I would wish for the world to be - a utopia of nature preserved and of caring people.

By then, I was working with a coach to help me find an outlet to this dilemma. As fun as 3D was, it didn't quite provide that meaning necessary in finding lasting happiness.

I wanted to change the world. I wanted to change its people. And the way for me to do?

I wanted to work in an NGO, but I was too emotionally vulnerable at that time. You got to be strong if you are doing advocacy.

I wanted to be a forest ranger, but then, I would still miss some of the luxuries of city life - nice dresses to wear, looking pretty and all.

Well, maybe I can be a teacher!


The love of teaching


The people who knew me and the people who had taught before would know how difficult yet fulfilling the profession is. It was challenging to the core, and somehow, I get to be a dance teacher, which also provided me with some of my most engaging experiences.

Seeing people grow and improve before your eyes, under your coaching was one of the most beautiful things one can do. It was a time when I got to expand my creative flair and had greatly strengthened my core values - self-honesty and capacity for love.

And sometimes, it was the most difficult students who touches your heart most deeply.

And then, I get to tell young people stories about life, about the "real world" outside, about saving the world, about finding themselves, loving themselves. Work was wonderful.

Love and truth

Most of all, I learnt about love. To love all, to love people as people, to connect with people, soul to soul, to tell people the truth, to be honest with ourselves and with the people we talk to. I found that it is only at this level of honesty that the heart can be touched, that lives can be changed. There is no other way.

Eventually, this path of love and truth has brought me to the next step. As much as the work was fulfilling, the school environment was still very limiting towards love and truth. I believed that I can do better beyond the boundaries of the school gates. I believe that there is more to dance, than just learning to dance.

Happiness is being able to express one's self to the fullest

My search for meaning began with the search for happiness. And my search for happiness became synonymous with the search for meaning.

In life, we are not here just to make ourselves happy, or please ourselves. By just pleasing ourselves, indulging in superficial activities of fun and enjoyment, we can be happy in the moment, but feel bored and empty soon after.

True fulfillment comes with overcoming challenges. True fulfillment requires passion - doing what we truly love. Doing the things we truly love may be a challenging task, whether it is to hike up a mountain, learn to dance, teaching children, create something new, writing a song, or anything. But there are things in this world that are worth doing, even if it is difficult and challenging, because it gives meaning to us.

Some people said, we are here to serve others. But what I found to be most true is that we are here to express our fullest self, and when we do so, we touch others as well, for within us, is an unlimited potential, which wants to be expressed, just like a seed holds the potential to become a full grown tree.

One does not feel fulfilled unless he/she is able to do to things he/she wants, and express love to loved ones the way he/she wants.

As my journey continues on, I seek to continually express my truest self, to share my soul with others, and to engage the souls of others. We are not perfect, we are growing together, each at our very own pace. If we stop growing, we are dying.



I believe that I can reach out through my dance and my teaching, and I am always grateful for those whose souls I have engaged in the past. I know that this is what I must do, because I love you. Because I love myself, because I want to make myself happy, I love you.


Do you know who you are?

Do you know who you are?
Do you love yourself inside?
Would you give love to the one inside?
You should, because you deserve to. When was the last time you gave yourself love?
You, my dear, could do nothing wrong, for you are only love. To deny love, is to deny you.
Love you, be you, and peace be you. You deserve to be you and nothing else, like no one else, so stop trying, and just start being.

Express yourself the way you need to express you.
Pick up the right skill if it helps you.
Speak your mind, make your statement if you have to.
Never stop believe in the voice inside you.

Dig deeper and you will find your core, of who is truly you. Love, accept, be.

Love,

You Want Change

You certainly want change.

If you're not living a GREAT life, if you're not actively contributing to society, if you're not doing meaningful work, if you're not having an abundance of material wealth, if you're not experiencing spiritual peace and alignment, if you're not healthy and fit, if you don't feel loved and have so much love for what you do and the people around you, if your environment is not wholesomely beautiful, you will WANT change.

But not many people make it to change. Everyone knows what they want to do, should have done, should be doing, the right thing to do, but so few actually stepped it up and do it anyway - giving a multitude of excuses to yourself. You know what they are.

Lets get honest. You also know how to change it. You're just not willing to take the effort.

So few are willing to accept who their true self is. So few are willing to answer that call, to do what is right to do, that voice that keeps calling behind their ears, in their hearts, in our hearts.

We know what to do. Yet we don't do it. Excuses. Why?

Because it is easy to deny. Because change takes effort. Doing the right thing takes effort. It is too much trouble. It was well worth it, but we are too lazy anyway.

Let's face it, we are all guilty of it.

Try it: Let's just listen to it for once. Let's just get up and do the right thing for once. See what happens. And then another, and then another. It will certainly lead to a very different place.

I'm sure.

Finding Your True Self

What if I told you that I can help you find your true self? Would you believe it? Would you let me try?

Why you can dance, and why you cannot dance

Sometimes you see people dance effortlessly, carelessly

Children, drunk people and old people can dance. Sometimes, in-love people. And people who think (know) they are good.

Why? Because they don't care what people think about them, what people say about them, who will laugh at them. They just do it, for the sake of doing it. They feel it in their body, and they answer that call to move! It's very simple.

How do you dance? You just move! Listen to the music, feel it in your body, follow the beat/flow.

All babies and little children can dance. Most just lost that ability as they grow older.

Same applies to drawing/painting, making music and other artsy stuff.

Why you cannot dance?  

Because at some point in your life, someone tells you that you can't, or make you think that way, or you grew up got too self conscious about your self and your body to just let it move, and when you needed to be cool, and letting your body to just move wasn't cool.

Because at some point, people start to make you think that dancing has to be in a certain way, a certain steps, a certain style, attend a certain class, follow a certain teacher, be in a certain group, using a certain kind of music, confining you to these so-called standards, instead of allowing your personal style to be expressed.

Because, you haven't moved listening to a music since you were 3 years old, because people ask you to sit down and be quiet, or just follow what they do. Any skill unpolished is not surprisingly rusty. If the last time you actually tried to dance was during your kindergarten concert, don't be surprised if you still dance like a 5 year old. You're not untalented. You just didn't.

Money and Fat

Many times when I talk to people about losing weight, I talk about being aware of and accepting your fats.

Accepting my fats?!

The money story

OK, think about when you withdrew cash from your bank account. What happens after a couple of days?

Most likely, you will be asking yourself, "Where have all the money gone?"
Hands up if this did not happen to you. How come you can sometimes live with very little money in your wallet and still somehow get by, but when you withdrew the money fresh from the ATM, it will all be gone before you even noticed?

How to safe all the money

If you are planning to safe money, first you will have to spend less than you earn. 

Every month, you put aside an amount that you want to safe, and then you get to spend the rest. You might even spend a little extra sometimes, but it is OK if you make up for it the next time.

Keep the money long enough and it will start accumulating some interests on its own. Get them in to fixed-deposits and you can accumulate even more interests, and you credit them to principal, and eventually, the interests will start compounding into significant amounts!

Spending the money


If you have lot of cash, and you keep it at home, or in the bank, you're not gonna use it anyway.

So no matter how rich you are, if you don't carry your wallet around with you, you're not gonna have money to use. You'll have no money to pay for your ride, no money to buy things with, or buy food with. So what's the point of being so rich? If you're not gonna spend some money on yourself (or others), why gather so much money?

How to spend all that money?

So let's say you are in a situation where you have too much money. So how do you get rid of it?

Just grab some cash and credit card, stuff it in your wallet, ask a few friends out to the mall, and just watch the money disappear! Poof! That's it, before you even realise.

Sometimes, you may feel uncomfortable carrying all that money. It's cumbersome, you might get robbed, applying for credit cards are troublesome, but if you don't take it along with you, you won't use it.

So what's the point here? 

The point is, in your workouts and in your daily activities, if you don't "carry your fats around with you", you're not gonna use it.

This has to do with the tendency for us to adjust our posture according according to the fats we've accumulated. Like if your butt is heavy, you'll tend to stick it out more. If your belly is huge, you'll let it drop in front of you. If you're generally heavy, you will be more likely to drag yourself around more, reluctantly. So all these habits are not very "spending". In fact, the longer you conform to the bad posture, the faster your fats will turn into fixed-deposits, with compounding interests!

Generating cash-flow

Using up fats takes muscle tone and blood circulation. 

When we are in a bad posture, we tend to be straining smaller groups of muscles while neglecting some others, failing to use the muscle system as a whole. And it is where these neglected muscles are that fats will form and skin will sag. And it is where the muscles will feel the weakest and most reluctant to work after a period (sometimes lifetime) of inactivity.

Having the right posture tends to force these muscles to work - especially muscles around the core. The more the muscles are stimulated, the more blood will flow through, and the faster your fats will be replaced by muscle mass.

It's like carrying cash in your wallet

Sometimes, people complain that they workout so much, yet they couldn't get rid of the fats in some areas.

If you are in this situation, you might want to recheck your posture, especially during your workout. If your posture isn't right, you're not working the right muscles.
It's like going out without taking your wallet with you, and the money is still in the bank!

In fact, if you have the right posture, your body will start working those muscles even when you're not at the gym. That happens when every regular movement such as sitting, walking and going up the stairs uses whole groups of muscles instead of the few.

Along with that, by being conscious of my fats, my body alignment is more accurate, and it triggers a kind of awareness in my body that says "these are extra fats, I don't need them," and they will eventually get the job done.

So when you start working out with the right posture, you may initially find that it forces you to do it the hard way, your body will feel different, awkward, it is alot more tiring, requiring fewer reps, but at the same time, every little movement seem to force alot of muscles to get working.

It's like spending all your money on one or few expensive items, rather than buying many small, regular items. The money just goes out alot faster.

So, the next time you walk up the stairs, do jogging, or go for your next workout session, uplift the bum, bring your tummy with you, or whatever fat part that is, feel the fat, and watch it get worked out.

Good luck!

Life Lessons from Dance Improvisation

Stop thinking and let your body do the dancing

Authentic improvisation comes from the body, not the mind. You do not think about what move you are gonna do. You just get your mind out of the way and let your body move. Set steps, techniques and movement sequences are not necessarily you. They may not be true to the moment, or your mood, or the music you are dancing to. They may not even be true to how your body should move! To find true movement, sometimes you may have to unlearn what you practiced, and let the movement from your body flow through...

You may have been taught about what you should do or how you should be, but that may not be necessarily true to you. Sometimes, you may have to let go of conscious thought and let your heart go. Then can you live true to yourself.

Be conscious of the body and space in the current moment  

One movement may lead to a shape. From the shape, a new movement awaits.
If you find yourself following up with the same kind of movement every time, perhaps you have "automated" your dancing. You are dancing by memory, you are not really improvising at the moment. Choose to be conscious about your body, and discover other potentials of movements following the previous movement, and you may discover something totally new!
The process is a partnership of the body and mind - body exploration, mental consciousness. A good balance produce wonderful results.

Just as many processes and risk-taking require both instinct, strategy and self-awareness. A combination of both gives the best results.

Go the distance

Being conscious of the moment also mean going the distance with each move, maximizing the extends of each shape or movement, be it an extension, a contraction, a release, or a fall. Then only can you truly enjoying the dancing, in addition to appearing more dynamic and interesting.

If you haven't gone the distance in the endeavours you undertake, you probably haven't truly discovered your true potential in it, and learn to truly enjoy it. People say, do it well before you give it up.

Don't take yourself so seriously

Let go and have fun! Jump like a kid in a puddle. Skip around, sway, fall, act and be playful! There are no rules when it comes to improvisation. You can do just about anything. Only thing is, you need to take risks and let yourself go. Try movements you've never done before. Do things you would never think of as a dance. No one can tell you what you can't do. Most importantly, people will notice it if you're enjoying yourself, and they would have so much fun watching you too!


People love to see people who make them happy. Afterall, who can tell you how to live your life?


I would love to hear about the principles from other disciplines as well. Do you have any?

The Edge of Competency

 Many times, I am given a task to do something, I hesitate. I hesitate to start and I hesitate to finish. Some people call it procrastination. Some people call it lazy. I call myself both. Add it bits of perfectionism, and it's very close friend - feeling not-good-enough.

A Chronic Case of Feeling Not-Good-Enough

Looking back, I find myself being very attached to this feeling not-good-enough. It is as though I'm really that bad at doing anything, that I didn't want to do it at all. Or if I started, I am too ashamed to submit it or post it up anywhere.

I tried a few methods to work myself out of it. This blog being one of it.

Finding reasons to be not good

So I had this habit of constantly finding people and things that are leagues above me, and comparing myself with them. I know that the feeling is partly rational. Looking around me, I certainly know who I am better compared with, but my mind and emotions are fairly focused on the people who are better than me.

I initially started off with people who are just a bit better than me, but I gradually worked up to those of world class standards.


While technically, it is good to aim high and to develop some constructive criticism of ourselves, you know what people say about aiming too high.

Not only that, I also find myself constantly searching for something new to do, some new skill set to develop, and something that I am not good at.

Not that it's bad to challenge yourself with learning a new skill or pushing your standards, but I came to find that it's really not helpful to do everything at the edge of my competency. In fact, this edge has become some sort of a comfort zone, which acts as an excuse for me to not do anything substantial, to push further up on expertise in one skill set, but rather meddle with many.

*Ironically, my writing of this former paragraph still lies within the same pattern of judging myself towards incompetency.

Focusing on strengths

Positive psychologists found that managers who focused on their employee's strengths are able to significantly increase employee productivity. People who have a good understanding of themselves and constantly work on developing their talents were able to achieve more success compared to those who are more focused on improving their weaknesses.

Not only is working on something that you are already talented at improves productivity, it also opens up the avenue for you to push it to a higher level of competency (metaphor: climbing the hill of competency), as opposed to staying mediocre, and needless to say, it is also much more helpful for your self-esteem, passion and desire to do more!

*Which leads me to some new questions:
- Which "hill of competency" should I climb?
- Should I be an expert "meddler"?

I am a hill

So, to ask  "Which hill of competency should I climb" already made an assumption that "I am incompetent."

A more positive approach would be:

     I am a hill, I become more of myself.

But to "become more of myself" implies that I am not "myself enough".

     I become myself

To have to "become" myself implies that I am not myself. 

    I am myself.
     I am who I am.
....It's who I really am...
 

What Education

So the question about education is a hot topic now, brewing somewhere just below the surface of other concerns like the economy and the environment. But in fact, it is the foundation in which all these factors were laid.

If the world is wrong today, so what happened in education for the last 10, 2- to 40 years that made it wrong? Is it getting increasingly wrong? Will the nest 10, 20, 30 years be even worse than where we already are? What about some of the mini revolutions that were so strongly advocated as the new order thinking, providing a great leadership future for the next generation, holistic education and all.

But what's the hit? And what's the miss?

Why is traditional schooling and exams irrelevant?

Lets be honest. How many of us did not agree that 90% of what we studied in school is no longer used in the working world, except for that rare group of people who actually went back to school and teach the exact same things to kids as a job?

Some of those 10% were expanded upon in college, and depending on what course you major in and what job you end up taking, many more were thrown away.

Simple fact that everybody knows.

So school subjects are useless?

Well, I'm not saying that we shouldn't learn about our bodies and how the heart pumps blood through our blood streams that runs through our bodies or how rain cloud is formed and why there is rainbows.

In fact, I'm all for science and knowledge gathering, if just to understand our world a bit more - which certainly helps for us to function a little better. Takes some of the fairy tales and guessing games away as we grow up, didn't it?

And who can deny the importance of literacy? If we are to gather more knowledge through reading, surely the mastery of its language is of foremost importance.

Well, of course we use math on a day-to-day basis. You count your money, you count your time. You count your people, you count your percentages, your probabilities... and that's probably as much as the average usage of maths on a day-to-day life. And that's math up to... lower secondary school.

So what are we missing out on?

Most of us who went through formal education would emerge through life to find ourselves barely prepared for certain things in life, things that we didn't know we didn't know, until we are face to face with situations which slams on our face, making us begin to question things like:

• Life and death, the spirit and the meaning of our existence
• Relationships and social skills
• Psychology, mental-emotional health
• Happiness and satisfaction in life
• Health care and medicine
• Management and leadership
• How money works, economy and finances
• How to survive in the modern world
• How to survive if you're thrown into the jungle
• How to survive a disaster/accident/outbreak
• Questioning, reasoning, critical thinking
• Curiosity and investigation
• Fun, play and humour
• Sex, marriage, childbirth, child-rearing
• Personality building
• Human rights, criminality and justice
• Love, conscience and compassion
• What we really want
• How to care for wildlife and the environment
• How to care for other people
• Culture, history, human nature and it's implications

While knowledge covering these subjects are occasionally touched on these in certain subjects, or you hear that very thoughtful teacher of yours speak about, to a school kid, it certainly isn't as important as finding "x", ripping their hair off memorising the 72 "moral values," which year did the Sultan sign the treatise with Britain, or which side to put the date in the formal letter.

A human or a photocopier?

How students are assessed and evaluated determines the outcome of an education. Whatever the desired outcome is, the students and teachers will work towards.

In the traditional sense, parents, teachers and the students themselves want more As. And in most education systems, having more As mean memorising tons of factual information, calculation formulas and rediculously, entire sentences of fact, word for word. Some even go to the extend of memorising entire essays, so that they could score a language subject!


Technically, what the exam system asks of is for a student to be a photocopier! That students spend most of their time memorising and using various techniques to remember whole text books.

Then why do we need a human brain when there is a text book?

The human brain is made to think. It is made to be capable of exceptional cognitive abilities; gathering multitude amounts of data that we don't even realise we are gathering, processing these information into personalised meaning, weighing its pros and cons and delivering its results to you, all in a split second...

Like why you would smile and make friends with this other person, why you would tell them your deepest darkest secrets, why a baby would keep crying until he is delivered to his mother.

Why you just have that gut feeling that this sales man is lying to you, or when you should switch lanes on the road.

Things like how to write a new story, how to create a new device, who to marry, how to solve the current economic crisis, how to save the world...are questions that have no answer in the textbook.

So why all the emphasis on what's on the textbook?

OK, I guess I have spoken enough and I will not prescribe what's best for the next generation/your child here.

But I do invite all of you to stop, think and reconsider, why we study what we study, or why the next generation should continue what we have done.

Feel free to share.